hello world part 2

I feel that things do happen for a reason.  Although I thought I was, I was not living the best of life prior to the accident. Since the accident I have had no desire to smoke or drink or anything else.  I still do get very lonely and that’s most of the time but I can’t thank my friends enough for their attempts to keep me involved. The brain injury has turned my life around. I had wanted to stop drinking anyway but was never successful. The accident turned my life around from where it WAS going to where it IS going. I like to think the brain injury hasn’t affected me at all but I guess it has.  I had a neuro psych test recently where I learned, surprise surprise that I still have above average intelligence but that my math skills are now those of a seventh grader.  My strength before was in math and sciences which was the reason I wanted to get my PHD. To hear that news was humbling to say the least but it will not change my attitude or my drive because I have always been and will always be a hard worker. Sometimes I lose track of what I’m talking about so it definitely affected my ability with conversation.  I get confused.  I’ve always known I had awesome friends but to this day they continue to prove me right. They are patient and accepting.  I am not the same person I was before. But this being said I still think that giving up is not an option and I am still “strong like bull”.  I think I’m doing well emotionally. Since my accident I ‘ve had to learn patience which was not a strong suit of mine but it has had to become a stronger aspect of my personality. I’ve come to realize how precious life is and how fragile it is.Going to church gives me a sense of gratitude for my life and being able to walk in and just be there. My back hurts while I’m sitting there but that pain is only temporary. It’s pretty simple, being in church helps me remember that I am blessed to be alive. When I went to see Dr. Hebda I learned that my brain is uneven.  That the left side is alot stronger and not as damaged as the right.  I’ve always been very analytical and always thought that the right side of my brain was the creative side. As it turns out the right side helps with being analytical.  This is what I think. The left side is like the bank.  The right side is the atm card and my atm card is damaged.  I have alot of money in the bank but I have a hard time getting it out because of the damage.

Obviously the lesson to be gained in this story is “don’t drink and drive” or you are screwed. Maybe not screwed but you will have alot of hard work ahead of you. My story may not change the way you think. I don’t expect to change the lives of anyone but i at least hope that it does. Things happen to people. They happen and they are out of our control.  Unstoppable.  to be honest, I don’t think anyone else’s experience would have changed my very destructive life before. I’m not here to make a point but just to share my experience to whoever is listening but if it does change a life then this DID happen for a reason.

Special shout outs to the Mc’s - I love you guys. Stay up.

a letter to my pastor

I wanted to let my pastor know how God has worked in my life so I wrote this today after church and I thought maybe it would let you guys know how I’m feeling.  

Pastor Scott,
We are not members of the church but my family and I have been attending MAG since just after Easter. I wanted to give you my testimony of how God has worked in my life.  

I was never a real stand out Christian and actually quite the opposite. I was a very social 25 year old, hanging out with my friends, going to bars, chasing women, drinking heavily and living a pretty reckless life. In late October last year my life took a drastic turn.

After partying with friends, I tried to drive home from Manassas to Arlington under the influence of alcohol.  I have no memory of the accident but I’ve been told that me and my soft top Jeep left the road on I66 at Exit 66. It was a single car accident in the early hours of the morning when there weren’t many people on the road. If not for the cab driver that God placed behind me, that called at the onset of the accident, that was responsible for the quick response from the police,  I would not be here today. I was non-responsive at the scene and Code Blue when I arrived at Fairfax Hospital. I had to be revived and was not expected to live much less walk and talk. I was in a coma for almost 30 days and hospitalized for 3 months. After being released from the hospital I went back and forth to a rehabilitaion center until the end of May. Even my doctors say that my recovery so far has been nothing short of a miracle. Every day I feel blessed to be alive. God saved my life. I know that for sure.

I feel very blessed to be alive now because if there was anybody worth saving it was not me. If there was a bad way to live, I was living it. I don’t know why God saved me but he did. I have a new found appreciation for life itself. I no longer destroy my body with drugs and drinking and just being able to walk into church makes me wonder “why me?” sometimes.

Maybe as a reminder, I didn’t walk away unscathed. I had compression fractures to my back, a minor injury to my right knee and right shoulder but my head injury was the worst. If there was a part of my brain that could be injured, it was. I had a severe traumatic brain injury and as a result have had to work toward relearning everything. I can now walk without assistance. I can talk clearly. I can hear perfectly. Physically I can do all the things a person my age should be able to do, just working on speed and agility. I am even working with a friend of mine one day a week and still have very big aspirations for my future. I still have memory issues but I work hard every day to overcome them. I believe in time, it will come. I have hopes for a full recovery and more if that is God’s plan.

My family and friends set up a website to communicate my progress but now it is a way for me to read and to understand what I went through. It has also been a way for me to see how many people were praying for me to survive the accident.  The website is still up - it is www.weluvmike.com and though I don’t even know some of the visitors that keep up with my progress, they still pray for me and my recovery. My mom did a video and someone said to me how could anyone watching the video or following my progress ever question that there is a God. I feel that I am truly a testament to the power of prayer and God’s work even for the unworthy.

Respectfully,
Mike Rosner

Some family friends of ours i.e., the court of despair, are experiencing troubled times.  It is now our turn to be there for them. Miracles do happen and the power of prayer works. Keep hope alive.

I don’t care much for titles

People ask how I’m feeling and most of the time I have a hard time coming up with thoughts to explain it. Sometimes i think I don’t have thoughts at all but i guess I do. I think about a lot of things actually but I don’t think about them long. Coming back from the dead is a process they say.  I’m working on regaining my memory and getting used to my new schedule. It’s all in a days work. The most frustrating thing is the short term memory loss. It seems that things that keep my attention I am able to remember a little better.  But if I am distracted with things around me or just noise in general I can’t remember it even if it just happened. I think alot about taking classes online but I know the memory thing is going to get in my way. I’m still going to do it though. I feel frustrated almost all the time. I wish I was healed already but I know it’s a process and I have to be patient. But I’m not a very patient person.  I get bored sometimes but I enjoy the rest.  It’s an internal struggle. I am recovering I never feel like giving up.  I’ve never been one to take the easy route in life so the struggle makes me feel like i’m accomplishing something. There are aspects of my recovery that I’m not happy with but other areas that I’m very proud. I get lonely for companionship and I miss hanging out with my friends but I keep in touch with email and the telephone.  Having the best friends ever in the world doesn’t hurt either.  I keep my journal with me all the time and that helps me remember if I remember to write things down. I was looking in my journal at next month and on my birthday there is a quote from Henry David Thoreau. It says “it is not enough to be busy…so are the ants. The question is “what are we busy about?”

So the question is: what am I busy about? I’m busy about getting better as fast as humanly possible. One day at a time. What are you busy about?

friends

i watched the video again because one of the side effects of a brain injury is having a bad memory and i couldn’t remember what i saw the first time and I was reminded again of everything ive been through. i appreciate all of you so much and i want to thank you for being there for me. ive come a long way.

thanks to karl, matt, jimmy, herzig, mike v, chrissi, danny, thomas and austin, rastad, shannon, kristen hicks, amanda elbisi,  bobby and brian hannifin, lyndsay, rachelle, becca, amanda kibben, and jessie seeber for sending love my way this week.  i think I have the best friends ever. you keep me motivated and you give me strength.

and as usual i cant thank you enough nate and sylvette for just being there. i couldnt do this without you.

i know that i have a long road ahead of me.  i feel accomplished but i know it’s not over yet. its an uphill battle that starts at the bottom and by the looks of my jeep that’s where i was. i know i need your support to get there, but im going to make it to the finish line.

update 3-7-08

This week has been pretty good.  I started the bridge program and met all my new counselors, its going pretty good so far. Excited to get back into things.  Getting back in the water has been great.  Thanks to Nate, Dan and Dad for helping me try to stay healthy and to everybody that’s been coming over to keep me company.  I appreciate all the love I’ve been getting it really helps keep my spirits up. My days are tiring but I can stay motivated because I can see where it’s taking me.  Who knows how it’s going to end.

hey guys

I received pictures today of my jeep after the accident and it’s been humbling to say the least.  thanks goes out to Shannon for taking the pictures.  it helped being able to see the pictures.  it helped me understand how bad the accident was and to be able to see why I had the head injury.  I had a dream about what my jeep looked like but it wasn’t like that.

I always knew that you guys were important to me, I just never realized how much I would need you there to be able to lean on.  thanks for all the support and get well wishes.  Keeping in touch means everything to me. even though I have a long road ahead of me I wouldn’t change anything because of the lessons I’ve learned.  thanks to my mom for being there none stop.

till next time

thanks guys

whats up guys

it is hard for me to get my thoughts together to say things to you but i like to read the blog

its nice to hear what you have to say and its nice to know that you care  thank you thomas nate and sylvette for watching the game with me.

jimmy i remeber that trip to cali it was wild  im not sure why it was wild but i remeber that it was.

my progress has been phenominal because of the support i get thank you for that

hello world

thank you for your support and for keeping me in your prayers. when i see all of your comments on the blog i feel energized. reading all of your words takes me to places i cant go right now because i am so restricted. in a way its like being in jail. kind of. sometimes its hard to think of what to say but what i have learned is that life is short and there are no guarantees it is hard to remember how i feel sometimes but if you ask how i feel about my recovery i feel like a bull. as long as everyone has hope it keeps me alive. i really do mean keep hope alive it is my slogan