Speaking to God

OK, now start with little disclaimer. It is not my intention to offend and I do apologize in advance for doing so. But I’d been thinking that it is funny what we let pass these days. Speaking specifically toward people who have made peace with God but not with anyone else, espescially not to the people who have been offended or hurt by those specific or certain actions. Personally it has become a pet peeve of mine, for a person to say that they had made peace with God but NOT with the people who had been hurt by said actions. Now if anyone knows about the forgiveness of God it is obviously me, re:a letter to my pastor. Seriously though, you’re not dead yet, and just because maybe, and I stress the word maybe, the LORD has forgiven you does NOT mean everyone else has. Sorry if anyone was offended but it has been on my mind.
Keep hope alive

I’m coming clean

Alright, the time has come (again) and I feel it necessary for me to be healthy both mentally and physically for me to get a few things off my chest…..ala,”hello world”…..number one on my list is I LOVE AMANDA KIBBEN, sorry Chris but I think I do love you also just for just understanding. Amanda I am sorry to you because I feel as though I am soo needy now that I must be in constant communication with you. Not necessarily constant contact but maybe just daily would be nice.
Number two is Erin Gay, I posted on the blog, world-wide-web, a while back, something, an attack and it was unjust, I am sorry. I wrote you an email apologizing (weak and pathetic).
(Now you, more than likely do not care but it has been weighing on my conscience, thats right people IRON mike does have feelings, and I needed to get it off of my chest…so done and now back-to-business)
I read old comments on the blog almost daily because it helps give me a sense of the accomplishments I had made leading up to this the most important battle of my life and its not over, ha, far from over, its never over. I will forever be a traumatic brain injury survivor until maybe another fateful day when maybe I’m assassinated for being too awesome?
Until then…………

from blue ribbons to code blue and back

I want everyone to know and the people who know me perhaps already do know that I had been a Olympic swimmer (that’s right Dad, I can count Junior Olympics).  I would say no doubt that had helped me throughout my recovery.  Thirty day coma, 6 months of rehab, I don’t think that there could have been a previous training that could have helped more to get through everything, so it did and here I am.  I’m a winner and blue and I go very well together.  I have bluish eyes and lots of blue ribbons.  The only blue that didn’t go over very well was code blue.  so I’m thinkin’ there was a guy Ive heard about who did the Ironman Triathalon. He had been in a car accident that almost killed him for good but he had been a champion swimmer also, so I’m thinkin’ being the champion swimmer that I am and who says I can’t do that.

well, one thing would be fatigue issues stemming from a traumatic brain injury that has been very huge for me to hurdle. I’m tired from the moment I wake up. Physically exhausted. But I think this cold weather has also had a lot to do with it. Summer time is around the corner and that’s where I thrive.  Run- I had been very physically active until this past winter walking a couple miles daily.  My knee was one of the first injuries I sustained from the car accident and is still troublesome. Last summer my mother and I would try to mix in a light jog with that walk so that I could gauge how much I could do with this bad knee. troublesome yes but my hope is that with time comes healing and that more healing is what needs to be done for my knee to be at 100%. I started walking the two miles again recently and no knee problems to report. So what, we have run, bike, swim.  Bike- balance. Yeah, not so good still but I would go so far as to say marginally better. I would basically have to learn to ride a bike again but that’s ok. I actually got on Nate’s bike today and aside from my mother running beside me wanting to hold my arm the  whole time and then Nate freaking out because I ran up to the curb, all in all I think it went pretty well. And then we come to swim- now just because I had been a champion swimmer doesn’t mean I could jump in and swim 2 miles, although I would argue with anybody that swimming is easily my greatest  strength.  so, the thing again would be endurance coupled with my, thanks to the brain injury decreased initiation I’ve got a heck of a challenge. But again I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge. The Ironman Triathlon consists of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride and a 26.2 mile run the Half Ironman consists of 1.2mile Swim | 56mile Bike | 13.1mile Run. I think with training, I can set my sights toward an “Ironman” Triathlon

Last year when i first started using my planner I set a mission statement and this is what it said “I realize that the mountain I must climb today may seem like a hill to others and I except that”. Now, this mountain may not seem like a hill to anybody and I know it’s a big undertaking but I am willing to work towards it. I’m learning that it’s ok to set my goals high and that it’s also ok as long as I can find motivation in smaller successes. speaking of small successes I use Nintendo DS as an informal cognitive trainer and I set my sights to finish a game I got for Easter. I’d been playing it daily, it’s been my go to game on DS and this week I beat it. So small success comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. I know that a half triathlon is not an immediate goal but neither is a PHD but if I can stay focused for long enough and work hard enough and be patient enough with myself then…

weluvmike.com

World

Wide

Web

The scale of this website hit me the other day. That truly it is the world, and from looking at the cluster map, I feel like now it is my mission to make it the entire world, its funny ’cause already every computer I’m on I make sure (if not already) to set the internet homepage as weluvmike.com.

So in addition to pHd I see it as my mission to set the worlds computers’ homepages to www.weluvmike.com.  I guess I should apologize for my coming if as egotistical…..I’m sorry

Waltraut Giesela Kairies

Val-trout

My grandma Vee (My dads mom) is now further from me than she has been in a long time……..ever,really…..she is closer though to her daughter Dorothy, in Yorktown VA also there is my dad and his wife Mary.  For me it’s bitter sweet that at least she will be closer to her children but the distance for me is almost too great it seems like visits will be few and far between. She was at my celebration of life so I think that means the most.

Grandma if you are reading this or it’s being read to you, I miss you already.  Hopefully soon we will get to come down there. Also please know that of course, I am wearing my jacket.  I do hope your enjoying your new place

hear ye, hear ye

The best therapist/mother I’ve had, my own mother, has released a new video. If you will direct your attention toward the video section, you may notice the newest addition.Carry on.

purpose?

Now being that this is “Mike Rosner’s blog” I figured this question might be better off asked here

ok………now I have always believed things happen for a reason; my accident included, realistically it was the best thing that has happened…….the coma sucked,the therapy sucked, and now the solitude sucks. I really do believe things happen for a reason (that readon?)  Question is what is the reason?  what now?

For me I feel like theres a chance to continue building my life…….school. I’m very ambitious and would like to see MY next steps as an opportunity to further my education. I am unsure as to which schools would be appropriate or even if there is much difference in which school to choose.  I need to get my bachelors in order to finally go for a phd so thats’s where I start.  So Bachelors-any help?

A round of applause

I think a round of applause is due to all the people that have been an integral part of my recovery.

Jim McNelis for giving me a place to practice my skills (no, not my ninja skills) my computer skills.  We’re going back to Cali one day Jim. Thank you for beleiving that I will continue this on-going process of progress and for your friendship.

My loving brother Nate for being there with me tirelessly all the way even when I don’t want to go forward he keeps me going. I’m not always the easiest person to deal with and for that I cannot apologize enough for but I want to thank you for your love, your support and patient understanding.

Karl, Matt and Danny you guys are the wind behind my sails. I really do appreciate, and appreciate isn’t even a strong enough word but I could not do this without you guys. The support I’ve gotten from each of you has been nothing less than stellar.

Don’t even let me forget about Sylvette. Syl Vette my loving comical hero has been a wonderling in my recovery. Always and forever a true gem.

The love of my life Amanda. My true best friend I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for you. Your humor is unlike any of my other friends. I’m so glad we shared the time we did together, nothing will ever replace it. Your friendship - you are the one person I can talk to about anything and I love that about you.  I need that about you.

I read the blog every day and I’m so glad I spent a lifetime forming these relationships because it just so happened that i would need to rely on them. I kind of need them. It’s like a drug addiction, it’s something I need. It’s very easy for me not to want to do anything. I don’t work anywhere and it would be easy for me to be as lazy as I want to be because I have literally spent all of the energy. Your energy, my energy all the energy in the world to get to where I am today.  I truly believe I would not be where I am today if not for the relationships I spent my entire life forming in preparation for this monumental battle.

For everyone else that is a part of my life or that keeps up with the blog you are no less important. The on-going support is received with open arms. I love you too and it’s hard to put into words exactly how it makes me feel but as I’ve said before, I do check the blog every day and reading your words I understand that this has effected more than just me. Through this blog I am witness to my own recovery. This battle though is wearing at me. Just putting these thoughts together and writing this has been exhausting. I will need to rest for a couple of hours. I am tired. I am truly exhausted.

People want to know how I’m doing and may look at me and think Mike is really a lazy guy now but I feel like I am the opposite of lazy because even though I might want to lay on the couch, I am always doing something to train my brain like DS or applications on my iPhone or wii games.

A little over a year and here’s where I am today. Here are some of the points I’ve come up with to help you understand. I have goals. It is time to take the next step but I really don’t know where to start. I know it is going to be hard work but I’ve never been intimidated by my short comings. I want to go back to school to continue my education but I have a difficulty with my attention span. Even in normal every day conversation I’m not able to hang on to the conversation, I lose track of what we were even talking about and then I can’t remember. I’m getting used to not remembering. Keeping track and remembering is difficult so trying to remember how I was last year is out of the question.  I try to maintain a positive attitude and I think that has helped me get this far.

I know lately I’ve just been checking out because I am tired. I feel like I am forever alone and that nobody really has any idea of what this is like at all. I like down time, I need down time but I get bored. I am lonely and I have needs that are not being met. I feel like if I had a girlfriend it would help fill the emptiness and push me to work harder. I sometimes say things that are not appropriate but I don’t realize it until later so I need someone who will understand and help me with that. I also know that sometimes what I feel, feels exaggerated like when I get frustrated I’m angry frustrated and I don’t know about other feelings, probably the same.

jessie
December 1st, 2007 at 2:42 pm

To say that you have made progress is an understatement. The life in your eyes shines brighter everyday.

This is your diary so that when you read this…you can put together the puzzle. So this is my account of the past two days. On Wednesday…we got to spend the time together that I missed and cherish so much. I asked you how your therapy was going, was it hard? And you told me, “concentration was the hardest part.” That meant to me that you know what type of mentality that you have to have to get through this. Your life lessons have prepared you for this battle. Whether it be athletics, experiences with others, or whatever. The pain, the focus and knowing that this incremental progress your making on a daily basis adds up big time requires constant faith in the end result. That in itself is extremely difficult. When they brought dinner…I wasn’t quite sure if you liked cucumbers so I wasn’t trying to make you eat something you hated. So I said, do you like cucumbers, they make you strong and we laughed. Then you said, “that’s what I need.”. It was great. I asked you if you remembered what happened or if you just knew what everyone told you, and you told me “I pretty much remember everything.” Amazing…..

We also spoke about the white light and I will be sure to remind you of that conversation later.

Everything flowed as if we were just chillin, talking about life as if for those moments everything was ok. I got to be with Mike. The Mike.

I’m so proud of you. Proud to know you as person, proud to watch this unbelievable progress your making in the rebuilding of your life.

Yesterday…I guess the protect the innocent part of my personality started to come out. It became very clear to me that you don’t always know that you’re ok. Sometimes you need to hear it from someone you know has your best interests at heart, or to be able to see a familiar face or a touch just letting you know everything’s gonna be ok.

So I saw it and I looked at you and said, “Mike, everything’s ok.” And you looked at me and said, “everything’s ok?” And I said “yes.”

Just like all those who love you, I just want to make sure you are ok. That you know we are here and we are in this fight with you no matter what. You are not alone. It’s always hard to leave. Just so you know…

You make me smile everytime I think about you. You’re winning Mike! I’m by your side. We can do it together. Love conquers all my friend!

___________________________________

Jessica Seeber, you were right when you said that the experiences in my life helped me prepare for the most important battle of my life. Truer words were yet to be spoken. What you said then is still true today. And p.s. Jessie, to be honest my mind is a blank about the accident, sorry.

So being that year one is in the books - here’s a toast to the future. Still strong like bull 2009.

*edit

(forgot to thank the General -mom you are literally  THE best)

Thank You!!!!

a celebration done right

Thanks to everyone for coming out on a  cold October day, especially Thomas coming out on laundry day in just his white short sleeve t-shirt. It’s been a great year. Looking forward to the next year coming up. It feels great to be around every one.  I really do feel the support from everybody. Thank you.  It was really really really good to see everybody. Whether im with one of you or all of you it helps me feel that maybe everything isn’t different.  The hardest part of this whole thing for me is the isolation and loneliness I feel.  I am confident and have no doubt that relearning everything will come in time hopefully. I know for recovery I need resources around me and all the friends I have I need and use for support.  Yesterday, you guys helped me remember why I’m doing this. 

Mike

hello world part 2

I feel that things do happen for a reason.  Although I thought I was, I was not living the best of life prior to the accident. Since the accident I have had no desire to smoke or drink or anything else.  I still do get very lonely and that’s most of the time but I can’t thank my friends enough for their attempts to keep me involved. The brain injury has turned my life around. I had wanted to stop drinking anyway but was never successful. The accident turned my life around from where it WAS going to where it IS going. I like to think the brain injury hasn’t affected me at all but I guess it has.  I had a neuro psych test recently where I learned, surprise surprise that I still have above average intelligence but that my math skills are now those of a seventh grader.  My strength before was in math and sciences which was the reason I wanted to get my PHD. To hear that news was humbling to say the least but it will not change my attitude or my drive because I have always been and will always be a hard worker. Sometimes I lose track of what I’m talking about so it definitely affected my ability with conversation.  I get confused.  I’ve always known I had awesome friends but to this day they continue to prove me right. They are patient and accepting.  I am not the same person I was before. But this being said I still think that giving up is not an option and I am still “strong like bull”.  I think I’m doing well emotionally. Since my accident I ‘ve had to learn patience which was not a strong suit of mine but it has had to become a stronger aspect of my personality. I’ve come to realize how precious life is and how fragile it is.Going to church gives me a sense of gratitude for my life and being able to walk in and just be there. My back hurts while I’m sitting there but that pain is only temporary. It’s pretty simple, being in church helps me remember that I am blessed to be alive. When I went to see Dr. Hebda I learned that my brain is uneven.  That the left side is alot stronger and not as damaged as the right.  I’ve always been very analytical and always thought that the right side of my brain was the creative side. As it turns out the right side helps with being analytical.  This is what I think. The left side is like the bank.  The right side is the atm card and my atm card is damaged.  I have alot of money in the bank but I have a hard time getting it out because of the damage.

Obviously the lesson to be gained in this story is “don’t drink and drive” or you are screwed. Maybe not screwed but you will have alot of hard work ahead of you. My story may not change the way you think. I don’t expect to change the lives of anyone but i at least hope that it does. Things happen to people. They happen and they are out of our control.  Unstoppable.  to be honest, I don’t think anyone else’s experience would have changed my very destructive life before. I’m not here to make a point but just to share my experience to whoever is listening but if it does change a life then this DID happen for a reason.

Special shout outs to the Mc’s - I love you guys. Stay up.