Posted by mike on Aug 4, 2009 in
Mike's Posts consider the following:
enter stage left - one man with an appetite for destruction, who drinks away his sorrows. Add the alcohol, make sure it is an obscene amount, mix in a muscle relaxer/pain killer to increase the effect of that alcohol.
There also once was this jeep wrangler that the “fellow” would use to cruise around. It wasn’t a very nice vehicle, but it got him around.
Then consider that this person was living in Arlington, VA at the time and would on occasion visit his parents who live in Manassas, VA. Succomb to maybe a type of self-inflicting peer pressure, he drinks to excess.
So we have an obviously intoxicated person who then may make the descision to drive home as he then decides to take the pain pill. Is it any wonder there was an accident to follow? Maybe the surprising part is the extent of his injuries and how he has lived to tell the tale, perhaps being able to pay it forward in communicating his story. Severe Traumatic Brain injury, coma for about 30 days, and then a lifetime of rehab.
Hey, at least he’s no longer drinking.
I read a quote that said “Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never
do all that he can”.
Posted by mike on Jul 29, 2009 in
Mike's Posts what the *&@!#$ happened to me?
I used to be somewhat of a “Renaissance” man before severe head trauma, working as a systems engineer,realtor, recruiter…..an all around “do-anything and everything” type of guy, the quintessential type of person.
Now I’m just another “baroque” man……intelligence still intact, and lesson learned, the hard way
Still though, I mean I seemed to have not only been knocked down by severe head trauma but also by the Gods. I’ve come so close to death so many times by disrespecting life…fate seems to have caught up with me. I mean come on, give me just one break, make one thing easy. I’ve always been fairly independant though and this seems to be another one of these many, many stumbling blocks on my way to at least some kind of ultimate victory.
I realize that this is Mike Rosner’s blog and countless numbers of kind people have come by to visit me.
Well, we can count actually……I added back the cluster map so that we could count. So I thank all of you, thank you for caring about one families’ struggle back from the darkest place anyone would ever choose to visit.
Posted by mike on Jul 26, 2009 in
Mike's Posts When I was young me and my papa had beef
fifteen years old left out for ya place
Though back at the time, I never thought I’d see her face
Ain’t a woman alive that could take my mama’s place
Suspended from school; and scared to go home, I was a fool
With the big boys, breakin all the rules
I shead tears with my baby sister
And even though we had a Lame daddy, the same drama
I reminice on the stress I caused, I was hell
Phone calls for my mama from a jail cell
And who’d think in elementary?
Heeey! I’d see the penitentiary, one day
And runnin from the police, that’s right
Mama catch me, put a whoopin to my backside
And even me an alcoholic, mama
You always was THE General, mama
I finally understand
For a woman it ain’t easy tryin to raise a man
You always was committed
A single mother on her own, tell me how ya did it
There’s no way I can pay you back
But the plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated
Posted by mike on Jul 8, 2009 in
Mike's Posts OK, now start with little disclaimer. It is not my intention to offend and I do apologize in advance for doing so. But I’d been thinking that it is funny what we let pass these days. Speaking specifically toward people who have made peace with God but not with anyone else, espescially not to the people who have been offended or hurt by those specific or certain actions. Personally it has become a pet peeve of mine, for a person to say that they had made peace with God but NOT with the people who had been hurt by said actions. Now if anyone knows about the forgiveness of God it is obviously me, re:a letter to my pastor. Seriously though, you’re not dead yet, and just because maybe, and I stress the word maybe, the LORD has forgiven you does NOT mean everyone else has. Sorry if anyone was offended but it has been on my mind.
Keep hope alive
Posted by rae on Jun 30, 2009 in
Mom's Corner The energizer bunny…where does he live? Maybe here. Mike does not rest when he is awake. If we are home, he likes the background noise of the TV but he really doesn’t watch much. The morning news will catch his attention, ESPN for a quick sports update, he likes to listen to the championship poker games every now and then lifting his eyes for a glimpse at the poker table. In the evening there are a couple of shows he likes but for the most part, if we are home his brain is not resting. He probably owns every DS brain challenging game there is and the DS does not have a chance to gather dust (or in our house, disgusting dog hair from our “wonder how he still has any hair” Mastiff). If Michael is not playing DS, or researching something on the Internet, or participating in a rehab program or something related to rehab, he is reading the blog. He is constantly focused without the ability to maintain focus. A conundrum.
co·nun·drum something confusing: something that is puzzling or confusing
Michael will work night and day retraining the areas of his brain that need to find new pathways; making the connections stronger with each challenge. He is focused. He can maintain focus without interruption for hours and would if I didn’t get in his way. Ask him…he’ll tell you just how much I get in his way. The “General” is committed. He has mastered the art of being alone in a room full of people and I can probably be pretty good at that myself. Maybe you’re good at it as well. The difference is, Michael is recovering from an injury to his head that changed the way his brain works. His brain is still in training. It is still healing, still getting stronger, damaged parts that used to control a thought process still need to find a new way to connect the right lobe to the left lobe, the back to the front, that beautiful wonderous healing brain is still a work in progress. So the part that let’s him focus for hours alone with his electronics is good BUT….
I read this recently and thought it was so relevant to what we (Mike and the rest of us) are experiencing. We are born with the amount of brain cells (neurons) that we will need for a lifetime but the neurons aren’t connected. As we interact with an infant or toddler, connections are formed. Positive interactions with nurturing parents or caregivers - like the attention children receive when they are read to. Even friends make a difference (yes, your circle of friends is a vital part of your working brain) -interaction profoundly stimulates old and young brains. This stimulation causes new connections to form pathways (learning pathways) and strengthens existing ones. As we age we shed the neurons we don’t use so the more stimulation and experiences you have, the more connections your brain will have formed (synapses) and the less it will shed. Connection. Being connected helps our brains stay connected. Pretty cool, huh?
You know we’re always keeping hope alive down here on the Roseberry Farm and my hope today is that my brain isn’t shedding as much as our dog is. :) Jokes aside, for the brain to keep making those connections it must rest. It must rest during periods of awakeness and also rest during periods of sleep. Without enough rest, the brain taps out of it’s stash of energy just like our bodies do. Man, am I good at making a short point long! Sorry.
A couple of things to finish this update. Michael has lost the ability to rest his brain during periods of awakeness and I know that without it, his recovery will suffer. I care enough to get in his way. There is a processing overload with some brain injuries that makes it more difficult to keep up with conversations, retain information, distracting noise, too many people talking, etc. Information is easier to process when you control the speed of what and how it comes in. All that DS and iPhone focus could be viewed as withdrawing, it might even seem rude at times but it is more than likely a way to control what and how information comes in. I care enough to get in his way. If Michael is going to re-enter the world as an independent player (and yes, even a playa) one day, he must learn to be in the moment. He must re-learn the talents of his person - to analyze and pay attention to the details and nuances of conversation. He must be able to make decisions, pay attention, focus, care about what is outside of those eight inches away from his face. Electronics - not where real people live. I care enough to get in his way.
God bless all of you that care enough to get in his way. For not excepting anything less from Michael than what he would want you to. Jim says “figure it out”. Nate. God bless Nate. He pushes Mike harder than anyone else to keep fighting his way out. He pushes him emotionally telling Mike that when he stays nose down on his phone the whole time they’re together it makes him feel like Mike doesn’t care. He pushes him mentally - yesterday they took a trip to the mall using public transportation helping Mike take those first steps toward mobile independence. He pushes him physically - today they swam 1300 meters. The swim today included a 200 meter drill in the stroke that someone said within the first six months out of the hospital after seeing him swim a stroke that he used to swim with such power and fluidity “don’t try to swim butterfly anymore. You can’t do it now, it takes too much coordination, just do freestyle”. Yeah, don’t tell them that Mike won’t be able to do something because Nate will push his brother to do everything you said he couldn’t.
I only talked about Nate and briefly Jim but there are others that show Mike every day that they care enough to get in his way. Karl - “Mike you were supposed to call me today…don’t give me excuses!” A few months ago, the band of brothers played their best poker hands with Mike cutting him no slack (he came in second by the way). I think they would want the same.
I look each day in the face but fast forward to “what if” when things get tough…”what if” something should happen to me? and what if Mike isn’t ready? There is nothing like that “what if” to get me right back where I need to be. It is not always easy, is it Mike? We butt heads, we are both determined and many times we are determined not to back down. But just as I knew it then, and I know it now. We can do this. You can do this. I gotcha.
LIVESTRONG Michael
xxoo
Posted by mike on Jun 28, 2009 in
Mike's Posts Alright, the time has come (again) and I feel it necessary for me to be healthy both mentally and physically for me to get a few things off my chest…..ala,”hello world”…..number one on my list is I LOVE AMANDA KIBBEN, sorry Chris but I think I do love you also just for just understanding. Amanda I am sorry to you because I feel as though I am soo needy now that I must be in constant communication with you. Not necessarily constant contact but maybe just daily would be nice.
Number two is Erin Gay, I posted on the blog, world-wide-web, a while back, something, an attack and it was unjust, I am sorry. I wrote you an email apologizing (weak and pathetic).
(Now you, more than likely do not care but it has been weighing on my conscience, thats right people IRON mike does have feelings, and I needed to get it off of my chest…so done and now back-to-business)
I read old comments on the blog almost daily because it helps give me a sense of the accomplishments I had made leading up to this the most important battle of my life and its not over, ha, far from over, its never over. I will forever be a traumatic brain injury survivor until maybe another fateful day when maybe I’m assassinated for being too awesome?
Until then…………
Posted by rae on Jun 18, 2009 in
Mom's Corner Happy 27th Birthday Michael!
Dance like there’s no one watching…it’s your day!
More than words…we are so glad you’re here!
xxoo
_______________________________________
Posted by nate on Jun 4, 2009 in
By Nate 
I realize that I have barely opened the window to the experience we have been through the past couple years. I have been unsure of how I feel, and haven’t thought that it mattered if I speak or not. But I will do it for Mike.
I miss my brother. Not like 25 year old Mike, but like I havent seen him in a couple days, and cant wait to see him! Not to say that everyday is paradise, because that would be a lie.
And not to say that I dont miss those nights before the accident. Holding each other up. Both sunk down in a drunken somethin, and me thinking that Mikes going to puke, but he never did. and I always did.
But it has been really moving to go through this recovery( which is not temporary at all ). Its like everyday, every activity is another tattoo. Everything is so apparant. You reeping what you sow.
Im still not sure of my purpose, and it shifts quite a bit as Mike changes. As he faces new challenges, so do we. Usually on a similar plane too.
Distractions
Signals =
come here
yes
however we signal each other to be present and realize when we are being Distracted
its funny that you got me to realize how distracted I have been from posting on the blog. Well done Sir!
Its awesome! We get to play such a fun game of life. I couldnt have asked for a better companion. Again I dont know where this is going, but it shall continue( on a more regular basis ). HAHA!
Brosev
Posted by rae on Jun 3, 2009 in
Mom's Corner I love the new theme! It just keeps getting better!! Mike is working with Jim on the blog each week trying to make it a little easier to navigate and a little more user friendly. Mike said that he would like this site to read more like a book so for those landing on the site for the first time, if there was interest for a better understanding they would have a way to begin at Chapter One.
October 22, 2007 ” Michael was in a single car accident on I66 at exit 66 at 3:20 AM October 21, 2007….
Tuesday, October 23 - One foot in front of the other, breathe in, breathe out. I realized today, I am not the one to give updates. Getting through the days with overwhelming love and support from friends and family. I can’t begin to describe the emotional roller coaster. I cannot find the right words to describe that moment when a mother is confronted with her child’s mortality and she is helpless to make it better….
Chapter 2 might begin with:
11-1-07 @9:00/AM – Today is a GREAT day. Mike responded to some commands, they asked him to show them his thumb and two fingers and he did. He also tried to open one eye.
Yesterday morning as Mike and I were in the cool down portion of our two miles, we passed a neighbor and she said “I see you both walking in the mornings, I’ve been watching you over this year and I just wanted to tell you what a good Mom I think you are. You are so committed.” I thanked her of course but that kind of talk makes me really uncomfortable. It’s not anything different than any parent would do. If you were in the same situation, you would do everything in your power to try to get back the life your child once had. We all want our children to achieve their potential. This isn’t much different than sitting with them through difficult homework, or insisting they practice violin, or memorize multiplication tables. Not so different unless you face the reality of the brain injury every day. That’s what you can’t do. That’s what I can’t do and that’s what I don’t do. For me, it is still breathe in, breathe out. One foot in front of the other.
Much like Michael’s rehab, this blog will be a work in progress and it, just like Mike might just serve as inspiration and could offer so much more for us all. I know I’m not alone when I find myself asking and wanting more than I should. Insatiable? Ungrateful? I don’t know, but when paired with images of what it could have been, the initial prognosis, the injuries sustained, where we’ve come from and the progress thus far, I have to question my sanity.
Huge applause to the effort Mike puts in to each day. HUGE applause. This is NOT EASY! I do push him but he puts in the work and he pushes himself to stay focused. He pushes himself not to get lost in the tangled thoughts, habits and behaviors that the, as he calls it “stupid brain injury” creates and causes. When the brain is making new pathways and connections, it doesn’t always get it right.
Michael, I applaud your hard work and I am so proud of you.
I also applaud everyone who contributes to Mike’s continued recovery. Nathan, Sylvette, Emily and Bobby - you guys are in the daily trenches. Big applause! Karl, Jim, and Matt - you know why - BIG applause. To everyone else that reaches out and understands why Mike doesn’t - Big applause.
Mike will be twenty seven years old on June 18th. I thank God for all his blessings.
LIVESTRONG Michael
xxoo
Posted by rae on May 30, 2009 in
Mom's Corner 
Wait Mike!
Our first family vacation since Mike’s accident ended, like most vacations much too quickly. We have so many family photos that we’ve taken throughout the years but some of the most memorable are those taken at the beach. There’s a certain something that comes alive in us with that combination of sun, surf and sand. Mike’s infamous (as one doctor tagged it) “Bay Watch Babe” photo was taken on a beach in Barbados. Our pictures this trip were taken in Myrtle Beach on a trip that was long overdue and we all came away with wanting more. More time on the beach, more fun in the sun but mostly wanting more time with each other without having to deal with the stresses of daily life. Ahhh…the beach.
The weather was unpredicatable but that made for great waves! The water was a little on the cold side but once you got used to it, it felt soooo good. To be truthful, I was concerned for Mike’s experience. The power of the ocean has over taken even the best of swimmers and I couldn’t help but think that Mike’s balance would be an issue. He couldn’t wait to get in the ocean and with the temperature of the water, Nate and Bobby were not jumping up to join him. I actually wanted to catch a few rays before getting in but it seemed like they were willing to let him go by himself and I was not. Wait up Mike!
In he went much like he had so many times before. Fearless. Not me. The waves were huge and it was cold on the belly! You know that take your breath kind of cold but as Mike plowed further and deeper into the water I knew I needed to keep going “just in case”. Just in case? What did I think I was going to do? I can swim but compared to Mike and Nate, I look like I’m treading water so if Mike got in trouble did I think my super powers were going to kick in? Yes, indeed. Go through what we’ve been through and you will totally believe that you can tame wild beasts if that’s what it takes.
By now we’re up to waves that are well above 10 feet…without wave 5 ft with wave 10 ft…make sense? We’re both trying our best to ride one in but I am so focused on making sure Mike is still okay that my timing is off. I turn around and two waves back looks like the Tsunami of ‘95 and I’m like “Mike! Catch this wave it’s huge!” I watch to make sure he isn’t crushed by it then glance over my shoulder and boom. Down I go with ears, mouth, eyes (seemed like all orifices) open. Not a joy ride. Not the ride that takes you to the shoreline either. This is the ride that feels like the washing machine spin cycle. I finally come up for air and no Mike. No Mike! AGH!!!! I see Nate coming in to the water and then I see Mike’s head. I smile, he smiles, Nate smiles. Mike tells me later that he was thrown to the bottom of the ocean and hit his head right on the top. ”that’s it! Out of the water!” I did say that but I was kidding and then there was another wave and well, you know….so much fun…me, Bobby, Emily, Mike and the KING of the waves Nate - Surf’s up dude!
Everyone but Sylvette enjoyed the salt water play while it lasted. Sylvette was busy getting her burn on…oh, yeah. The burn that lasted the rest of the week…she says she’ll use sunscreen from now on. Really Sylvette? Really?
The next few days would include many more firsts in this journey back to life for Michael. NASCAR till you drop. Who doesn’t love go-carts? Maybe a guy who would have trouble getting in and out of those little cars because of mobility or balance issues but not this guy. First race - ok, I’ll admit I am a little protective but come on. So - first race and I lag behind in my car so I can make sure…yeah, that’s right so I can make sure Mike is ok…get over it! All of us are in our little cars and while we usually take no prisoners, I think this first race we might have driven more cautiously. Well, maybe just Mike and I did. Seeing Mike’s face as we turned for the second lap you could tell he was probably feeling different than he did last time we were together at NASCAR. He didn’t quit, he kept driving and actually drove very well. I pulled in as Mike was attempting to get out of the car and I’m glad Bobby was there to help him get out. Mike was feeling light headed and you could see his heart pounding through his shirt. His face was flushed and he was breathing very rapidly. I could tell he enjoyed the drive but I also knew he wasn’t okay. As everyone started to gather I asked “how did it go, Mike?” he looked at me with eyes swimming and said “good. pretty good I guess, what’s next?” He could barely stand but in the excitement I don’t think anyone else noticed. I said to him quietly “it’s ok if you need to take a break or sit down, everyone will understand” By now, sweat was pouring from his brow and his breathing was still very rapid. He said “maybe I would like to sit down, I feel a little dizzy.” Was it the huge cognitive challenge of rapid fire decision making? Was it motion sickness- round and round and round the track? Was it apprehension? Panic? Who knows, maybe yes to all. Regardless of what happened on the first track, within five minutes Michael got up and this time when he asked “what’s next?”, he meant it.
We road until a storm shut down the park. The last race was the bumper car track and let me tell you, Mike drove full throttle. Nate even backed off - now he says he wanted to drive a little slower for Seebee but I think he was making sure Mike was ok. Mike was fearless and drove like a bat out of Hell. It was a little scary for the rest of us but the addrenelin rush for Mike was well worth our few minutes of torture. The man driving with wild abandon was once an intoxicated driver that lost the life he once knew after a decision to get behind the wheel after drinking. This driver, this man, this child of mine had the choice “to sit it out or dance” and he danced! We had Lee Ann Womak singing in the background kind of “I Hope You Dance” moments (ok, we don’t really listen to country music but the lyrics are awesome).
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance!
Mike will be busier than ever beginning Monday. He was invited to join the first ever Cognitive Rehab Group through Brain Injury Services. We were told that after meeting Michael this January, the director was so impressed by the level of his improvement since Jan. ‘08 and the attitude and commitment Michael had toward continued recovery that she went to the board to express the need for additional services. Michael and a few other TBI survivors were the inspiration for the development of this program at BIS. Yeah Michael! Thank you, Lisa.
Mike’s schedule for a few months:
Monday - 10:30 am to 12:00 pm Cognitive Rehabilitation Group sessions at BIS
Tuesday - swimming with Nate
Wednesday - 10:00 am - 12:00 pm Adjustment Group at BIS
Thursday - 11:00 pm - work with Jim at Dito Web
Friday - 10:30 pm - 12:00 pm Cognitive Rehabilitation Individual sessions at BIS
Friday - 1:00pm - 2:00 pm Neuropsychologist sessions
AND…today he became a PAL. Mike has joined a mentoring program through BIS where he will not only receive a PAL, he is also able to pay it forward by being a PAL himself. He met his 19 year old PAL this afternoon and made tenative plans to play a couple rounds of putt-putt in the near future. Mike will meet his PAL June 13th at a PAL sponsored BBQ picnic. A couple times a month, PALS devote an afternoon to help someone else develop social skills and maybe along the way make a new friend. Helping others open doors to hope for a brighter future. Now that’s what I’m talking about! One Love.
LIVESTRONG Michael.
xxoo
