year two
Glory be to God.
Today begins the end of year two for Michael. For so long we thought that by the end of the second year, Michael would be where he was going to be and we should be happy with wherever that was. We were ok with that.
Honestly, two years ago on this day I would have been happy with just hearing he would live. The doctors or nurses could not or would not give us that for almost a month. A month of not knowing if your child would live or die is a lifetime. I would have been happy with a few encouraging words but there were none. They were supportive, they were honest, and when we thought a squeeze of a hand meant something, they might have been a little patronizing. They were many things, but they were never hopeful. No words of hope at a time when hope and faith were all we had. Hope that God would hear our prayers and faith that if we believed, we would receive. Hope and faith got us through the night but it was in you that we found the strength to believe in ourselves.
For me, your love and your support gave me the strength to breathe when I no longer wanted to, the strength to get out of bed and the strength to put one foot in front of the other. Walking through the fog of those days to somehow face the death of my son,whether it was the death of his mind - the Michael as we knew him or the death of the vessel, his body. To face that with dignity and grace took/takes everything; but to honor him and honor God who gave him life, I was/am willing to give it all.
“Your son will most likely be a vegetable”, I would have been happy with that. “He may not recognize you, he may not remember who he is”, I would have been happy with that. “he may be blind, not be able to walk”, I would have been happy with that. But that was then. This is now. I don’t say “I am happy with that” and leave it alone. Today, I am “the General” - Michael is pushed to be everything that he is capable of being. Today Michael is surrounded by the best support team we could ever hope for. The area’s top therapists headed and spirited by Brain Injury Services - the most caring, amazing case manager - Chris, no words could describe the gift Michael received in his neuro-psychologist - Dr Alf :), a specialized, wait listed speech therapist - Debi, an young up and coming cognitive rehab specialist - Anthony, a PAL - Mike A, and totally awesome Brian who jointly spearheads the Wise Guys. At the two year mark, Michael is moving forward toward recovery. He is still recovering from a severe traumatic brain injury and is seeing marked improvement. He will continue to recover as long as he lives, if that is God’s plan. He will continue as a survivor of the most devastating injury a human can endure. A severe injury to the brain affects everything you and I take for granted. EVERYTHING!
“Michael seems fine, is he driving?” How many processes do you think we use behind the wheel? Drivers must be able to concentrate attention in their central vision, but they must also possess good peripheral vision–the ability to see things “out of the corner of your eye” , and to perceive spatial relationships. You need to see and hear things that come from all directions and constantly decide what is important and what is not. Drivers need to process a lot of information and react quickly in an appropriate way. They must also make sure their attention and reflexes are sharp no matter how long or short the drive. When you drive you constantly make judgments, whether you’re in the midst of merging into flowing traffic on a busy highway or just deciding whether or not to drive through a heavy rainstorm. Making these kinds of judgments requires self-awareness and an understanding of your own strengths and weaknesses. Is Mike driving? No, not yet. He is still recovering from a severe injury to his brain. Injuries to the brain are not always visible on the surface.
Take two steps forward then one step back is the road we travel. There are many stages of recovery and out of the available labels, the rancho los amigo’s scale between level 7 and 8 is a pretty good reference. For friends and family, educate yourselves is the best advise I can give. The more you know about what happened to this person you love, the more you will understand why. If Michael behaves in a way that doesn’t make sense to you, if something is said and you find it offensive - don’t ignore it. Be kind, be respectful, be yourself because you can be. You may not have that control if you had a brain injury. It is something we take for granted. Educate.
I won’t go into the specifics of what those stages bring, Mike would prefer I didn’t. It took one moment for Michael to make that decision to drive after drinking, and it is nothing less than a lifetime of consequences he will bear. Don’t walk away - be patient. Don’t judge - it could have been you. Try not to be offended but don’t let it slide. He needs all of us to do right by him, help him to do right by us. There are many behaviors that are caused by neurological damage that may be confused with obstinance or being self -centered. A lack of abstract thinking might be more the cause - self awareness has to be re-learned.
Mike, I am so proud of you. This is not easy, but you haven’t ever made it easy have you? We are blessed with the lessons we are learning along the way and you are blessed to have the best circle of friends I have ever witnessed. As you have said so many times “blessed beyond belief”.
Friends and family - I am overwhelmed with emotion when I think of the love and support you have given us. Humbled. Grateful. Indebted. Appreciative. Unworthy. I am in love with you.
LIVESTRONG Michael
xxoo