A Place for Family and Friends
Michael became a big brother on October 25, 1983. Nathan Daniel Rosner would give more to each one of us than we ever dreamt possible.
Happy Birthday Nathan!
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Into The Mystic Artist: VAN MORRISON Album: Moondance |
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Glory be to God.
Today begins the end of year two for Michael. For so long we thought that by the end of the second year, Michael would be where he was going to be and we should be happy with wherever that was. We were ok with that.
Honestly, two years ago on this day I would have been happy with just hearing he would live. The doctors or nurses could not or would not give us that for almost a month. A month of not knowing if your child would live or die is a lifetime. I would have been happy with a few encouraging words but there were none. They were supportive, they were honest, and when we thought a squeeze of a hand meant something, they might have been a little patronizing. They were many things, but they were never hopeful. No words of hope at a time when hope and faith were all we had. Hope that God would hear our prayers and faith that if we believed, we would receive. Hope and faith got us through the night but it was in you that we found the strength to believe in ourselves.
For me, your love and your support gave me the strength to breathe when I no longer wanted to, the strength to get out of bed and the strength to put one foot in front of the other. Walking through the fog of those days to somehow face the death of my son,whether it was the death of his mind - the Michael as we knew him or the death of the vessel, his body. To face that with dignity and grace took/takes everything; but to honor him and honor God who gave him life, I was/am willing to give it all.
“Your son will most likely be a vegetable”, I would have been happy with that. “He may not recognize you, he may not remember who he is”, I would have been happy with that. “he may be blind, not be able to walk”, I would have been happy with that. But that was then. This is now. I don’t say “I am happy with that” and leave it alone. Today, I am “the General” - Michael is pushed to be everything that he is capable of being. Today Michael is surrounded by the best support team we could ever hope for. The area’s top therapists headed and spirited by Brain Injury Services - the most caring, amazing case manager - Chris, no words could describe the gift Michael received in his neuro-psychologist - Dr Alf :), a specialized, wait listed speech therapist - Debi, an young up and coming cognitive rehab specialist - Anthony, a PAL - Mike A, and totally awesome Brian who jointly spearheads the Wise Guys. At the two year mark, Michael is moving forward toward recovery. He is still recovering from a severe traumatic brain injury and is seeing marked improvement. He will continue to recover as long as he lives, if that is God’s plan. He will continue as a survivor of the most devastating injury a human can endure. A severe injury to the brain affects everything you and I take for granted. EVERYTHING!
“Michael seems fine, is he driving?” How many processes do you think we use behind the wheel? Drivers must be able to concentrate attention in their central vision, but they must also possess good peripheral vision–the ability to see things “out of the corner of your eye” , and to perceive spatial relationships. You need to see and hear things that come from all directions and constantly decide what is important and what is not. Drivers need to process a lot of information and react quickly in an appropriate way. They must also make sure their attention and reflexes are sharp no matter how long or short the drive. When you drive you constantly make judgments, whether you’re in the midst of merging into flowing traffic on a busy highway or just deciding whether or not to drive through a heavy rainstorm. Making these kinds of judgments requires self-awareness and an understanding of your own strengths and weaknesses. Is Mike driving? No, not yet. He is still recovering from a severe injury to his brain. Injuries to the brain are not always visible on the surface.
Take two steps forward then one step back is the road we travel. There are many stages of recovery and out of the available labels, the rancho los amigo’s scale between level 7 and 8 is a pretty good reference. For friends and family, educate yourselves is the best advise I can give. The more you know about what happened to this person you love, the more you will understand why. If Michael behaves in a way that doesn’t make sense to you, if something is said and you find it offensive - don’t ignore it. Be kind, be respectful, be yourself because you can be. You may not have that control if you had a brain injury. It is something we take for granted. Educate.
I won’t go into the specifics of what those stages bring, Mike would prefer I didn’t. It took one moment for Michael to make that decision to drive after drinking, and it is nothing less than a lifetime of consequences he will bear. Don’t walk away - be patient. Don’t judge - it could have been you. Try not to be offended but don’t let it slide. He needs all of us to do right by him, help him to do right by us. There are many behaviors that are caused by neurological damage that may be confused with obstinance or being self -centered. A lack of abstract thinking might be more the cause - self awareness has to be re-learned.
Mike, I am so proud of you. This is not easy, but you haven’t ever made it easy have you? We are blessed with the lessons we are learning along the way and you are blessed to have the best circle of friends I have ever witnessed. As you have said so many times “blessed beyond belief”.
Friends and family - I am overwhelmed with emotion when I think of the love and support you have given us. Humbled. Grateful. Indebted. Appreciative. Unworthy. I am in love with you.
LIVESTRONG Michael
xxoo
I want to express my sincere gratitude for everyone who joined us as we celebrated life and yet another year since my accident. The weather was less than ideal and for that reason I am so appreciative for those of you that were able to come out in the rain and cold, I know you didn’t have to do so. Thank you.
I had a great time and I do hope you did as well. It was so great to see everyone. I am humbled by the support that I’ve been given because I know that sometimes this thing, I can be difficult. It’s taken two years to get here but after a day like yesterday, I feel energized to continue further. I don’t know what the next step is going to be or if there’s a next milestone but what I have just witnessed will carry me to where ever this journey leads.
After we left the rainy soggy park, we warmed up and dried off. Then we went to a movie. THEN we went to a place, a bar in fact that I had frequented many times before my accident. It was nice to go to a place I had been to so many times before. Only this time, I was able to walk out standing, SOBER, not intoxicated. I was able to come full circle yesterday from beginning the cold rainy day with the people I hold so dear to my heart and ending the day walking out of a bar with the friends that possibly two years to the day walked in to the same bar but this time it was different. We walked in sober, walked out sober and I can honestly say that I had more fun than ever. This was probably the best day of my life since accident. THANK YOU ALL!!!
FULL CIRCLE. Who would have thought two years ago walking out of the same bar so much would happen to us all? We hold each other up, united we stand.
Keep Hope Alive
ah, yeah about that…
Saturday October 17
11am Noon 1pm 2pm 3pm 4pm
41° F 41° F 40° F 42° F 43° F 45° F
Cloudy Cloudy Cloudy Cloudy Cloudy Cloudy
we might be cold,
we might get wet…
but we’re gonna be there Celebrating LIFE and…
we’ll be looking for you.
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The Rain Artist: DMX |
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Recognize any of these?
Ranchos Los Amigos
Level VII Automatic, Appropriate: Minimal Assistance for Daily Living Skills
· Consistently oriented to person and place, within highly familiar environments. Moderate assistance for orientation to time.
· Able to attend to highly familiar tasks in a non-distraction environment for at least 30 minutes with minimal assist to complete tasks.
· Minimal supervision for new learning.
· Demonstrates carry over of new learning.
· Initiates and carries out steps to complete familiar personal and household routine but has shallow recall of what he/she has been doing.
· Able to monitor accuracy and completeness of each step in routine personal and household ADLs and modify plan with minimal assistance.
· Superficial awareness of his/her condition but unaware of specific impairments and disabilities and the limits they place on his/her ability to safely, accurately and completely carry out his/her household, community, work and leisure ADLs.
· Minimal supervision for safety in routine home and community activities.
· Unrealistic planning for the future.
· Unable to think about consequences of a decision or action.
· Overestimates abilities.
· Unaware of others’ needs and feelings.
· Oppositional/uncooperative.
· Unable to recognize inappropriate social interaction behavior.
Mike suffered a severe traumatic injury to his brain. We say “injury” like it was a single injury but there were several injuries grouped under the “severe” umbrella, one of which was a severe diffuse axonal injury. Mike is trying to understand what happened to his head; what were the injuries and of those injuries how do they link to memory, and processing speed and well, you get the picture. So, he and I were doing some research this afternoon after his “new” speech therapy appointment and he thought it would be good to share something we read:
Diffuse axonal injury occurs in about half of all severe head traumas, making it one of the most common traumatic brain injuries. It can also occur in moderate and mild brain injury. A diffuse axonal injury falls under the category of a diffuse brain injury. This means that instead of occurring in a specific area, like a focal brain injury, it occurs over a more widespread area. In addition to being one of the most common types of brain injuries, it’s also one of the most devastating. As a matter of fact, severe diffuse axonal injury is one of the leading causes of death in people with traumatic brain injury.
Diffuse axonal injury isn’t the result of a blow to the head. Instead, it results from the brain moving back and forth in the skull as a result of acceleration or deceleration. Automobile accidents, sports-related accidents, violence, falls, and child abuse such as Shaken Baby Syndrome are common causes of diffuse axonal injury.
When acceleration or deceleration causes the brain to move within the skull, axons, the parts of the nerve cells that allow neurons to send messages between them, are disrupted. As tissue slides over tissue, a shearing injury occurs. This causes the lesions that are responsible for unconsciousness, as well as the vegetative state that occurs after a severe head injury.
A diffuse axonal injury also causes brain cells to die, which cause swelling in the brain. This increased pressure in the brain can cause decreased blood flow to the brain, as well as additional injury. The shearing can also release chemicals which can contribute to additional brain injury.
It is thought that diffuse axonal injury can occur in just about every level of severity, with concussion thought to be one of the milder forms. In mild to moderate forms of diffuse axonal injury, recovery is possible, with the mildest forms of diffuse axonal injury often resulting in few if any long-term issues. About 90 percent of survivors with severe diffuse axonal injury remain unconscious. The 10 percent that regain consciousness are often severely impaired.
The more we research, the more Michael realizes that the severity of the injuries do not add up to the amount of recovery he has been able to achieve. “why me?” he asks not because he is feeling sorry for himself; “why me?” he asks as one would ask when they were afraid of the answer. The blog continues to be monitored by Mike’s watchful eye and he is still ”energized by your words”. Watching the video he is an observer to months of his life he cannot remember, those months we will never forget. He is unable to comprehend “was I sleeping when I was in a coma?” there is a quiet spiritual inspiration by what cannot be explained.
We lost the ability to link to the original video/slideshow that I put together last year and because it was tattooed in my memory, I was able to recreate it rather quickly over the last few weeks. On Tuesday, Jim kindly came over to help get the new ( hopefully improved) version linked back to the website. Thank you Jim! And to those that privately shared how the video and Mike’s journey is and has impacted your life, I say all glory be to God.
Therapy is free when you find it in a project that is close to your heart. I worked late nights for months putting pieces of the puzzle together to be able to share the tears, fears, the love of community and primarily the faith and hope of this journey with Mike. The slideshow chronicles life before and after October 21, 2007 when life as we knew it ended forever. Finding the music, searching through photos and while reading through each comment posted on the blog; an appreciation for the present evolved. The present, this day. The old saying “it is called the present for a reason” became very clear.
No matter what the day brings, it is a gift. I try to keep that little nuggett in the fore front of my thoughts but when I falter, all it takes is a 15 minute reminder of the blessings we have received. Fifteen minutes to remind us that in a blink of an eye everything can change. A reminder that we are not infinite. Fifteen minutes to remind us to thank God for this day, this gift of life; the present.
xxoo
Having just watched the new video, I come to think. How far I have already come and to translate it (the progress) into a term or terms understandable for people NOT in my shoes. I just started a new therapy with an area renowned speech therapist. I think, I hope, that this will be yet another step leap in the right direction. For me, this time around, this life I’d been blessed enough to be granted a second chance at attempting to do the right things, to treat people right, and to treat myself right.
My friends are treating me the same way I hope to have the courage to treat the new people as they come into my life, with patience, understanding, and respect.
I just had another birthday, 27 years to find purpose?
I guess, ya know I’m not even sure about purpose so much anymore. I think it is more about direction.
In which direction am I headed? Well, right now I can say that at least it’s not destructive. So sure, I’ve traveled, I’ve been to the beach on both coasts, I’ve even been snorkeling in the Carribean. I’ve been to school and learned new things.
I feel like now it is time to do those same, similar things PBI (post brain injury). After all I’m going to (knock on wood) be a brain injury survivor for a long time coming.
Such a drastic change from October 2007, geez 2007? Seems like a lifetime ago, oh how things change. I feel like it’s up to us to try and continue to make changes as positive as possible.
Yes, it (this journey after trauma) is not over, but it is still moving forward and as of yet there is no way to stop time from continuing to progress. So,if you’re going to work on anything, try to make its impact as positive as possible.
From where I stand currently that is at least my perspective.
One Love - The Journey Begins from rae rosner-new on Vimeo.
Michael Rosner was in a single car accident 10/21/07 because he made the decision to get behind the wheel and drive after spending the evening drinking with friends. He arrived CODE BLUE in the Trauma ICU - non-responsive, in danger of immediate death.
We are inspired by his strength and determination and believe it was through the love of this community, through prayer and by the grace of God that Michael is with us today. If you believe, you will recieve. We believe.
LIVESTRONG Michael
xxoo
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