the horizon

Wait Mike!

Our first family vacation since Mike’s accident ended, like most vacations much too quickly. We have so many family photos that we’ve taken throughout the years but some of the most memorable are those taken at the beach. There’s a certain something that comes alive in us with that combination of sun, surf and sand. Mike’s infamous (as one doctor tagged it) “Bay Watch Babe” photo was taken on a beach in Barbados.  Our pictures this trip were taken in Myrtle Beach on a trip that was long overdue and we all came away with wanting more. More time on the beach, more fun in the sun but mostly wanting more time with each other without having to deal with the stresses of daily life.  Ahhh…the beach.

The weather was unpredicatable but that made for great waves!  The water was a little on the cold side but once you got used to it, it felt soooo good.  To be truthful, I was concerned for Mike’s experience. The power of the ocean has over taken even the best of swimmers and I couldn’t help but think that Mike’s balance would be an issue. He couldn’t wait to get in the ocean and with the temperature of the water,  Nate and Bobby were not jumping up to join him.  I actually wanted to catch a few rays before getting in but it seemed like they were willing to let him go by himself and I was not. Wait up Mike!

In he went much like he had so many times before. Fearless. Not me. The waves were huge and it was cold on the belly! You know that take your breath kind of cold but as Mike plowed further and deeper into the  water I knew I needed to keep going “just in case”.  Just in case? What did I think I was going to do? I can swim but compared to Mike and Nate, I look like I’m treading water so if Mike got in trouble did I think my super powers were going to kick in?  Yes, indeed.  Go through what we’ve been through and you will totally believe that you can tame wild beasts if that’s what it takes. 

By now we’re up to waves that are well above 10 feet…without wave 5 ft with wave 10 ft…make sense? We’re both trying our best to ride one in but I am so focused on making sure Mike is still okay that my timing is off. I turn around and two waves back  looks like the Tsunami of ‘95 and I’m like “Mike! Catch this wave it’s huge!”  I watch to make sure he isn’t crushed by it then glance over my shoulder and boom. Down I go with ears, mouth, eyes (seemed like all orifices) open. Not a joy ride. Not the ride that takes you to the shoreline either. This is the ride that feels like the washing machine spin cycle. I finally come up for air and no Mike.  No Mike!  AGH!!!! I see Nate coming in to the water and then I see Mike’s head. I smile, he smiles, Nate smiles. Mike tells me later that he was thrown to the bottom of the ocean and hit his head right on the top.  ”that’s it! Out of the water!”  I did say that but I was kidding and then there was another wave and well, you know….so much fun…me, Bobby, Emily, Mike and the KING of the waves Nate - Surf’s up dude!

Everyone but Sylvette enjoyed the salt water play while it lasted. Sylvette was busy getting her burn on…oh, yeah. The burn that lasted the rest of the week…she says she’ll use sunscreen from now on. Really Sylvette? Really?

The next few days would include many more firsts in this journey back to life for Michael. NASCAR till you drop.  Who doesn’t love go-carts? Maybe a guy who would have trouble getting in and out of those little cars because of mobility or balance issues but not this guy. First race - ok, I’ll admit I am a little protective but come on. So - first race and I lag behind in my car so I can make sure…yeah, that’s right so I can make sure Mike is ok…get over it! All of us are in our little cars and while we usually take no prisoners, I think this first race we might have driven more cautiously. Well, maybe just Mike and I did.  Seeing Mike’s face as we turned for the second lap you could tell he was probably feeling different than he did last time we were together at NASCAR. He didn’t quit, he kept driving and actually drove very well.  I pulled in as Mike was attempting to get out of the car and I’m glad Bobby was there to help him get out. Mike was feeling light headed and you could see his heart pounding through his shirt. His face was flushed and he was breathing very rapidly.  I could tell he enjoyed the drive but I also knew he wasn’t okay. As everyone started to gather I asked “how did it go, Mike?” he looked at me with eyes swimming and said “good. pretty good I guess, what’s next?”  He could barely stand but in the excitement I don’t think anyone else noticed. I said to him quietly “it’s ok if you need to take a break or sit down, everyone will understand”  By now, sweat was pouring from his brow and his breathing was still very rapid.  He said “maybe I would like to sit down, I feel a little dizzy.”  Was it the huge cognitive challenge of rapid fire decision making? Was it motion sickness- round and round and round the track? Was it apprehension? Panic? Who knows, maybe yes to all.  Regardless of what happened on the first track, within five minutes Michael got up and this time when he asked “what’s next?”, he meant it. 

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance!

Mike  will be busier than ever beginning Monday. He was invited to join the first ever Cognitive Rehab Group through Brain Injury Services. We were told that after meeting Michael this January, the director was  so impressed by the level of his improvement since Jan. ‘08 and the attitude and commitment Michael had toward continued recovery that she went to the board to express the need for additional services. Michael and a few other TBI survivors were the inspiration for the development of this program at BIS. Yeah Michael!  Thank you, Lisa.

Mike’s schedule for a few months:

Monday - 10:30 am to 12:00 pm Cognitive Rehabilitation Group sessions at BIS

Tuesday - swimming with Nate

Wednesday - 10:00 am - 12:00 pm Adjustment Group at BIS

Thursday - 11:00 pm - work with Jim at Dito Web

Friday - 10:30 pm - 12:00 pm  Cognitive Rehabilitation Individual sessions at BIS

Friday - 1:00pm - 2:00 pm Neuropsychologist sessions 

AND…today he became a PAL. Mike has joined a mentoring program through BIS where he will not only receive a PAL, he is also able to pay it forward by being a PAL himself.  He met his 19 year old PAL this afternoon and made tenative plans to play a couple rounds of putt-putt in the near future.  Mike will meet his PAL June 13th at a PAL sponsored BBQ picnic.  A couple times a month, PALS devote an afternoon to help someone else develop social skills and maybe along the way make a new friend.  Helping others open doors to hope for a brighter future. Now that’s what I’m talking about! One Love.

LIVESTRONG Michael.

xxoo

it is real

On October 23, 2007 an old friend from high school and a fellow agent in my office posted on the blog ”I have a 19 year old son and I can only imagine the impact that Michael’s accident has had on your family”. Sunday night/early Monday morning I wish it had been her imagination when she was notified that her now 20 year old, her eldest son on his way home after drinking with friends, lost his life in an alcohol related auto accident.  I spoke with Pam yesterday and she said that she talked about Michael’s accident with Trey. They watched the video slideshow, they read the posts and comments from friends and family and talked about the real consequences of getting behind the wheel of a car after drinking.  Pam kept up with Mike’s progress and made a point to share his story with her family.  Trey did not make the decision to get behind the wheel after drinking; he made the decision to ride home with one of the friends he had been drinking with.  Like many, they might have thought about the chance of getting pulled over by the police but most don’t ask  themselves in that moment “what if I die? or what if I have to live the rest of my life a shadow of my former self? Or worse - what if I kill someone?  Who asks those questions?  Each one of us should. Most don’t and the consequence of that one decision is real! Our thoughts and prayers are with the Roseberry family.

The responsibility that comes with drinking is huge and peer pressure for young men in particular is so underestimated.  Pam’s son’s life ended and the life my son knew also ended because of one bad decision. That’s all it takes to change your life and the lives of everyone around you FOREVER. It is real.

I can give you the upbeat version of the progress that Mike has made despite the profound disabilities he will have to live with for the rest of his life. That’s what you want to hear because it’s the happy ending version that let’s everybody off the hook.  It’s the happy ending that let’s you go on about your life and not think about the consequences of alcohol consumption. How being under the influence influences your perception of what is acceptable, what is right or wrong; whether it influences  your own or the behavior and decision making ability of your friends.  I will return to the happy ending updates of Michael’s miraculous and continued recovery but not today. Today I want you to know that because of alcohol’s impact on decision making processes another father is grieving, another brother is alone, another mother is mourning the loss of her son and she is unable to make it better. She cannot make it go away. Her pain is real and it will scream loud inside her but in the silence of his absence it/he will persist. An echo is what persists when the source is gone. 

Did you know that alcohol involvement is the single greatest factor in auto deaths and injuries? Only 4% of all crashes involve the use of alcohol but 41% of fatal crashes do.  Did you know that  binge drinkers are more apt to make the decision to get behind the wheel under the influence? Did you know there have been over 5000 drunk driving deaths so far in 2009? Did you know that your life matters to someone?

John Young Roseberry III “Trey” age 20 a native of Nokesville VA was killed early Monday , May 18 2009.  He was a 2006  graduate of Brentsville High School where he was an outstanding wrestler and football player. He is survived by his father  John Young Roseberry, Jr., his mother Pamela Gill Roseberry and his younger brother  Zachary. It is real.

On this Memorial Day weekend please keep in mind that the effects of alcohol and intoxicated driving are far reaching. The effects reach way beyond the number of those killed or injured.  Take care of each other - friends do not let friends drive drunk.

I am the mother of three children, one of which is an alcohol related auto accident TBI survivor and there by the Grace of God go I.

One Love.

xxoo

from blue ribbons to code blue and back

I want everyone to know and the people who know me perhaps already do know that I had been a Olympic swimmer (that’s right Dad, I can count Junior Olympics).  I would say no doubt that had helped me throughout my recovery.  Thirty day coma, 6 months of rehab, I don’t think that there could have been a previous training that could have helped more to get through everything, so it did and here I am.  I’m a winner and blue and I go very well together.  I have bluish eyes and lots of blue ribbons.  The only blue that didn’t go over very well was code blue.  so I’m thinkin’ there was a guy Ive heard about who did the Ironman Triathalon. He had been in a car accident that almost killed him for good but he had been a champion swimmer also, so I’m thinkin’ being the champion swimmer that I am and who says I can’t do that.

well, one thing would be fatigue issues stemming from a traumatic brain injury that has been very huge for me to hurdle. I’m tired from the moment I wake up. Physically exhausted. But I think this cold weather has also had a lot to do with it. Summer time is around the corner and that’s where I thrive.  Run- I had been very physically active until this past winter walking a couple miles daily.  My knee was one of the first injuries I sustained from the car accident and is still troublesome. Last summer my mother and I would try to mix in a light jog with that walk so that I could gauge how much I could do with this bad knee. troublesome yes but my hope is that with time comes healing and that more healing is what needs to be done for my knee to be at 100%. I started walking the two miles again recently and no knee problems to report. So what, we have run, bike, swim.  Bike- balance. Yeah, not so good still but I would go so far as to say marginally better. I would basically have to learn to ride a bike again but that’s ok. I actually got on Nate’s bike today and aside from my mother running beside me wanting to hold my arm the  whole time and then Nate freaking out because I ran up to the curb, all in all I think it went pretty well. And then we come to swim- now just because I had been a champion swimmer doesn’t mean I could jump in and swim 2 miles, although I would argue with anybody that swimming is easily my greatest  strength.  so, the thing again would be endurance coupled with my, thanks to the brain injury decreased initiation I’ve got a heck of a challenge. But again I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge. The Ironman Triathlon consists of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride and a 26.2 mile run the Half Ironman consists of 1.2mile Swim | 56mile Bike | 13.1mile Run. I think with training, I can set my sights toward an “Ironman” Triathlon

Last year when i first started using my planner I set a mission statement and this is what it said “I realize that the mountain I must climb today may seem like a hill to others and I except that”. Now, this mountain may not seem like a hill to anybody and I know it’s a big undertaking but I am willing to work towards it. I’m learning that it’s ok to set my goals high and that it’s also ok as long as I can find motivation in smaller successes. speaking of small successes I use Nintendo DS as an informal cognitive trainer and I set my sights to finish a game I got for Easter. I’d been playing it daily, it’s been my go to game on DS and this week I beat it. So small success comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. I know that a half triathlon is not an immediate goal but neither is a PHD but if I can stay focused for long enough and work hard enough and be patient enough with myself then…