a new look

Jim and Mike are in the process of revamping the website…what do you think? I LOVE it! It is still a work in progress so bear with us while we work out a few of the kinks and continue to add the photos, slideshow and some new stuff to the site.  Mike has wanted to do this for awhile and thanks to Jim and a geek day today, it happened!

Good things are happening…stay tuned

little bit of this, a little bit of that

This last month has had it’s share of ups and downs but along this journey, that’s to be expected. We get stuck when where we are is not a good place and we can’t find or see our way out. Did you see the movie “Silence of the Lambs”?  Remember the scene in the movie where the girl is at the bottom of the dry well? She knows where she is and as she tries to climb her way up this impossible wall, she sees fingernails stuck in the wall where others have gone before her. Knowing that others had seen the darkness, felt the emptiness, the helplessness, the overwhelming silence and the stillness of the bottom of the well gave her strength to keep fighting. That’s where we find ourselves sometimes… at the bottom of a dark well unable to find the way out but somehow we do. No matter how dark, no matter how impossible the challenges seem, we never give up hope but we sometimes lose faith in ourselves.

We’ve had to work pretty hard at it the last couple of weeks but listening to our pastor during the Easter service, I was able to unload a lot of the burden and place it right where it belongs; in the hands of God. After all it was God that saved Michael’s life and although we lose sight of it, it was God that decided this was the road we would travel. Our pastor spoke of doubting Thomas and I related.  Thomas questioned everything and without witnessing himself, could not believe. He did not have blind faith that many of the other disciples had…I have behaved much like Thomas. I lose sight of the very thing we must have to get through this; faith. I lose faith that it will be any better than it is today. I lose faith that I can live up to what others expect of me but if I am being truthful, I lose faith that I can live up to my own expectations. I lose faith that God has a plan and although we have the freedom of choice (and yes, as a woman I thank God for the moral and political freedom of that as well), God is in control. He would not give us more than we could bear and it is within our control to choose how we stand up to the challenges placed before us.   

It is still challenging to motivate Michael to do things that are rehab related. (I should say for me to motivate him) A bit of depression, a bit of “it’s just this stage of recovery” which is good but the brunt of it takes the patience and understanding of Job (pronounced like Joe with a b for you that may not know of him), a bit of being 26 and tired of seeing his mother every day and not a bit, but a lot of anger and frustration that just being a TBI survivor brings. In May it will be a year and a half since Michael’s accident and although short term memory is still a huge barrier for him, he can remember enough to know that over the last year he’s worked harder than he’s ever worked at anything. He is exhausted (comes free with the brain injury) and as he looks ahead, he is told that for the rest of his life he must keep working to overcome the injuries to his brain. He said in one of the neuro pysch sessions that he just wants to retire from rehab. He doesn’t want to do this recovery thing anymore.  He just wants to be “normal” again.  He wants to go about life without this huge ugly reminder of the consequences of that one night, of that one horrible decision.  The mental challenges, the physical challenges, the emotional challenges are taking their toll and he just wants to be done. How does he face this enormous beast day after day and find the strength to persevere? Some days he doesn’t.

There is quite a bit going on for Michael now (although ask him, he never does anything). His involvement with brain injury services has opened doors to what we hope will be exciting things ahead. His case manager from BIS has just completed Michael’s case management plan and has scheduled a meeting for next week to make sure that this plan meets Michael’s needs and expectations. Michael will join an adjustment group for young men who have survived traumatic brain injuries. It is headed by a psychologist and meets in Springfield the first and third Wednesdays of the month. This gives Mike a chance to socialize with other young men he might be able to relate to. The constant in getting back your life after TBI is the feeling that people don’t really understand what it’s like. As a person living with a survivor, I would say he’s probably right. Brain injury is not often understood and the behaviors are often misunderstood.  Mike will also be able to take part in BIS’s Pal Program that offers a social mentoring type environment. This is designed to introduce possible challenges in the workplace and to assist in becoming more comfortable meeting new people after brain injury. It takes the comfortable old you with the uncomfortable new you learning to greet the old world on a new playing field.

In the course of a lifetime how many times do we wish for a do-over? I’ve never heard Mike say that…he accepts the consequences of his actions. He knows why he is where he is and he doesn’t try to hide behind excuses. He blames no one, he doesn’t even question why.  His comments during the down times are pretty consistent - he is sorry and he is tired. During the sermon at church yesterday the preacher said that we shouldn’t expect miracles just because we pray but if we pray, we should believe that all things we ask in prayer will be received. For the most part, my prayers are the same today as they were October 21, 2007.  I pray for strength and acceptance to handle whatever may come.  My prayer for healing is now not only for Michael but I ask for healing for our family (trauma =trauma for all) and I pray for healing for our friends who’s lives we hold very dear.   I pray for guidance … I embrace the strength I have within but I get lost sometimes.  I am working toward accepting that I can not do this all on my own. It is a process.

xxoo

weluvmike.com

World

Wide

Web

The scale of this website hit me the other day. That truly it is the world, and from looking at the cluster map, I feel like now it is my mission to make it the entire world, its funny ’cause already every computer I’m on I make sure (if not already) to set the internet homepage as weluvmike.com.

So in addition to pHd I see it as my mission to set the worlds computers’ homepages to www.weluvmike.com.  I guess I should apologize for my coming if as egotistical…..I’m sorry