A round of applause

I think a round of applause is due to all the people that have been an integral part of my recovery.

Jim McNelis for giving me a place to practice my skills (no, not my ninja skills) my computer skills.  We’re going back to Cali one day Jim. Thank you for beleiving that I will continue this on-going process of progress and for your friendship.

My loving brother Nate for being there with me tirelessly all the way even when I don’t want to go forward he keeps me going. I’m not always the easiest person to deal with and for that I cannot apologize enough for but I want to thank you for your love, your support and patient understanding.

Karl, Matt and Danny you guys are the wind behind my sails. I really do appreciate, and appreciate isn’t even a strong enough word but I could not do this without you guys. The support I’ve gotten from each of you has been nothing less than stellar.

Don’t even let me forget about Sylvette. Syl Vette my loving comical hero has been a wonderling in my recovery. Always and forever a true gem.

The love of my life Amanda. My true best friend I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for you. Your humor is unlike any of my other friends. I’m so glad we shared the time we did together, nothing will ever replace it. Your friendship - you are the one person I can talk to about anything and I love that about you.  I need that about you.

I read the blog every day and I’m so glad I spent a lifetime forming these relationships because it just so happened that i would need to rely on them. I kind of need them. It’s like a drug addiction, it’s something I need. It’s very easy for me not to want to do anything. I don’t work anywhere and it would be easy for me to be as lazy as I want to be because I have literally spent all of the energy. Your energy, my energy all the energy in the world to get to where I am today.  I truly believe I would not be where I am today if not for the relationships I spent my entire life forming in preparation for this monumental battle.

For everyone else that is a part of my life or that keeps up with the blog you are no less important. The on-going support is received with open arms. I love you too and it’s hard to put into words exactly how it makes me feel but as I’ve said before, I do check the blog every day and reading your words I understand that this has effected more than just me. Through this blog I am witness to my own recovery. This battle though is wearing at me. Just putting these thoughts together and writing this has been exhausting. I will need to rest for a couple of hours. I am tired. I am truly exhausted.

People want to know how I’m doing and may look at me and think Mike is really a lazy guy now but I feel like I am the opposite of lazy because even though I might want to lay on the couch, I am always doing something to train my brain like DS or applications on my iPhone or wii games.

A little over a year and here’s where I am today. Here are some of the points I’ve come up with to help you understand. I have goals. It is time to take the next step but I really don’t know where to start. I know it is going to be hard work but I’ve never been intimidated by my short comings. I want to go back to school to continue my education but I have a difficulty with my attention span. Even in normal every day conversation I’m not able to hang on to the conversation, I lose track of what we were even talking about and then I can’t remember. I’m getting used to not remembering. Keeping track and remembering is difficult so trying to remember how I was last year is out of the question.  I try to maintain a positive attitude and I think that has helped me get this far.

I know lately I’ve just been checking out because I am tired. I feel like I am forever alone and that nobody really has any idea of what this is like at all. I like down time, I need down time but I get bored. I am lonely and I have needs that are not being met. I feel like if I had a girlfriend it would help fill the emptiness and push me to work harder. I sometimes say things that are not appropriate but I don’t realize it until later so I need someone who will understand and help me with that. I also know that sometimes what I feel, feels exaggerated like when I get frustrated I’m angry frustrated and I don’t know about other feelings, probably the same.

jessie
December 1st, 2007 at 2:42 pm

To say that you have made progress is an understatement. The life in your eyes shines brighter everyday.

This is your diary so that when you read this…you can put together the puzzle. So this is my account of the past two days. On Wednesday…we got to spend the time together that I missed and cherish so much. I asked you how your therapy was going, was it hard? And you told me, “concentration was the hardest part.” That meant to me that you know what type of mentality that you have to have to get through this. Your life lessons have prepared you for this battle. Whether it be athletics, experiences with others, or whatever. The pain, the focus and knowing that this incremental progress your making on a daily basis adds up big time requires constant faith in the end result. That in itself is extremely difficult. When they brought dinner…I wasn’t quite sure if you liked cucumbers so I wasn’t trying to make you eat something you hated. So I said, do you like cucumbers, they make you strong and we laughed. Then you said, “that’s what I need.”. It was great. I asked you if you remembered what happened or if you just knew what everyone told you, and you told me “I pretty much remember everything.” Amazing…..

We also spoke about the white light and I will be sure to remind you of that conversation later.

Everything flowed as if we were just chillin, talking about life as if for those moments everything was ok. I got to be with Mike. The Mike.

I’m so proud of you. Proud to know you as person, proud to watch this unbelievable progress your making in the rebuilding of your life.

Yesterday…I guess the protect the innocent part of my personality started to come out. It became very clear to me that you don’t always know that you’re ok. Sometimes you need to hear it from someone you know has your best interests at heart, or to be able to see a familiar face or a touch just letting you know everything’s gonna be ok.

So I saw it and I looked at you and said, “Mike, everything’s ok.” And you looked at me and said, “everything’s ok?” And I said “yes.”

Just like all those who love you, I just want to make sure you are ok. That you know we are here and we are in this fight with you no matter what. You are not alone. It’s always hard to leave. Just so you know…

You make me smile everytime I think about you. You’re winning Mike! I’m by your side. We can do it together. Love conquers all my friend!

___________________________________

Jessica Seeber, you were right when you said that the experiences in my life helped me prepare for the most important battle of my life. Truer words were yet to be spoken. What you said then is still true today. And p.s. Jessie, to be honest my mind is a blank about the accident, sorry.

So being that year one is in the books - here’s a toast to the future. Still strong like bull 2009.

*edit

(forgot to thank the General -mom you are literally  THE best)

Thank You!!!!