a new year

A new year, and our last year so to speak.  We’ve been told and from what I’ve learned through research is that there is a two year window to rehabilitate Michael’s brain.  Year one is over and we are beginning year two toward recovery. He is resisting. 

It’s never been easy for me to write, it doesn’t come naturally but I’ve found that it helps. It all began with Nate’s desire to keep everyone up to date with Michael’s progress during the days when it was very difficult to speak.  We will forever be indebted to Jim McNelis for this wonderful instrument of communication that he appropriately named we luv mike.  Bobby was able to post medical updates for family and friends across the world within days of Michael’s accident.  Many times Bobby was able to post real time information through either his laptop or the computer in the hospital library.  This website allowed many of you sit with us in a virtual waiting room…praying with us and hoping that God would spare Michael’s life.  You knew when his temperature spiked, when his blood pressure soared to dangerous levels and you felt the roller coaster of emotion as his life hung in the balance. Within a couple of weeks Bobby had to travel out of town on a business trip and when he said it would be my job, I remember saying that I did not want to be the one to write.  I could not be the one to do the updates.  I resisted.

The first day to update was difficult but almost immediately I found strength in the release of emotion.  Every tear-filled post allowed me to open my broken heart without having to speak.  Your response and postings to Michael wrapped around me like the wings of angels and I found endless comfort in your love for my son, for our family. An affirmation of sorts that we were all going to be okay.  The days of feeling like I was not the one to give updates are long gone but the difficulty of writing has not waivered. Difficult yes, but it is an honor and a pleasure to share Michael’s progress with you. The difficulty now lies in detailing this journey without dishonoring the subject.  

Folks, Michael still reads the blog every day. There is a new discovery each time he reads, even if he has read it a couple of times before, there’s a pretty good chance it will still seem like a new discovery.  He reads what I post (hello Michael) and he reads over the hundreds of ”We Love Mike” comments each and every day.  In those days that he could not hear you,  you spoke from your heart through this website in hopes that one day he would be able to read your words and understand their meaning. He is reading and understanding the power behind the hope you had for his recovery and the belief in his strength to persevere.

There are times that the challenges that lie ahead seem insurmountable but there has never been a day, not one moment that I have considered giving up or giving in.  It is a process. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month and now year to year, I place one foot in front of the other, I try to remember to breathe in and breathe out.  I will not give up on pushing Michael to re-train every ounce of injured brain that God is willing to let him recover. 

Resistance. “I don’t need your help” comes partly from the injury to the frontal lobes and right hemisphere.  An altered self awareness that protects the psyche but distorts ability.  I think the confusion lies in the two roles I play - therapist and mother. I am his mother and no self-respecting twenty six year old wants to be over mothered.  I am also Nathan’s mother and Emily’s mother and Bobby’s wife.  I am an auntie, I am a daughter of aging parents, I’m a sister and I am a Realtor. But I ask each morning ”what can I do today to help Michael recover? What can I do to make sure the healing continues?”  How do I say that the most important role I play each day is Michael’s therapist?  I say it knowing that although the future of our tomorrows are unknown, the two year window for recovering from a brain injury is a known fact. I’m working with the known and we only have this year left. 

Michael is beginning to resent some of the things I do, some of the “busy work” as he calls it.  He doesn’t always like the reminders. or the worksheets, or the note taking and will even push off working out.  We have “talks” about why we do what we do but understanding the purpose is short lived. Michael, don’t give up on yourself.  You’ve never been okay with being anything less than everything you could be. There’s always been a competition. Don’t settle. Get mad, be stubborn, it doesn’t matter. I’m not giving up on you. Don’t resist…you’re not done. We have 2009 and 2009 is going to be fine. Linda said so.

One Love

xxoo

p.s. Michael’s day began on the upside with a visit to the dentist - still no cavities! Then a neuro -opthamologist appointment that ended with a thumbs up but on our way home, we got word that his health insurance will end in April. 

As of April 2009 all doctors visits and all prescriptions will be paid out of pocket. The qualifier for applying for Medicaid after a brain injury begins 6 months after the disability occured plus two years.