Posted by rae on Oct 31, 2008 in
Mom's Corner Last Sunday, Bobby, Nate, Sylvette, Mike and I (Emily was working) went to Bealton to watch an old friend (Mike Truschel) fly his beautifully restored Navy bi-plane, that he has affectionately named the Yellow Mistress. It was pouring down rain on Saturday so we weren’t sure if Sunday was going to work but oh, did it. It was a gorgeous fall day and perfect for flying. Unfortunately we missed Mike T’s flight in the show but we had an opportunity to watch him fly later. In fact Mike T. took our Michael and (our newly engaged, just turned 25 the day before) Nathan on their own flights.
At the end of the show the Flying Circus has a wing walker perform. So as the show was ending and we were watching Jana Lee walk on the wings and on top of one of the other bi-lanes, I asked Michael if he was ready for his turn. He was ready but I don’t think he thought it was really going to happen. But it did. Thank you Mike and Liz Truschel for making it a reality! We were not only allowed to get into the airshow as guests but Mike and Nate were also able to feel the thrill of flying in an open air plane. It was awesome! A HUGE “happy life” day gift for Michael and and equally thrilling birthday gift for Nathan.
Here’s a link to some of the photos http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5171&l=62a38&id=1472454791. The season is over so there won’t be any more shows until the spring but if you’re ever looking for something different and fun to do on a Sunday afternoon, drive out to Bealton, VA and visit the Flying Circus. If you’re interested for more information, they have a website with lots of photos and details. It was great fun - I highly recommend it!
Happy Birthday to my dearest friend in the whole wide world - my brittish BFF, my darling Alexandra Kilpatrick!
Happy Halloween 
xxoo
OOPS! JUst realized you have to be a facebooker to be able to see that link but I don’t have time to change it just now. I’ll be back later to change the link! Sorry…
Posted by rae on Oct 28, 2008 in
Mom's Corner Just a quick update…through recent x-rays, it appears that Mike’s spine is beginning to curve with the weakened right-side posture and we were surprised to discover that he had also received an injury to his neck from the accident. He’ll be seeing a chiropractor for adjustments to his spine three times a week for a couple of months. Not sure where it will lead but we’re hopeful that it’s the right direction.
We had an appointment to tour the Adapt Clubhouse this morning in Alexandria. The Clubhouse is a state funded program from Brain Injury Services that offers a supportive environment fostering productivity for persons with brain injuries. Without a BIS case manager we’re on our own trying to feel out options and looking for direction. Mike is ready. He needs more than in-home rehab at this point so we’re searching the web, putting out feelers and praying for guidance. Is The Clubhouse the answer? Probably not, but it’s a start. Mike is high functioning - there’s a big difference. The Clubhouse will give him more than he has at home, but he is ready for so much more.
xxoo
Posted by rae on Oct 25, 2008 in
Mom's Corner A different mood this year for sure. We made new memories of Nathan’s birthday dinner at Sweetwater Tavern. It wasn’t down the street from Fairfax Hospital, it was in Centreville where we would normally go. Not once did we fear that someone’s life would end while we were having dinner. We were able to laugh, we were able to enjoy our family together and this time there was optomistic talk about the future. Happy birthday Nathan. I am so proud to be your mother and hope today’s birthday felt like a birthday should - full of joy and happy to be alive. We’re celebrating life!
xxoo
Posted by rae on Oct 21, 2008 in
Mom's Corner One year ago today Michael’s life stood in the balance. Not one doctor, not one nurse gave us hope for recovery much less survival during Michael’s time in the Trauma ICU at Fairfax Hospital. Educated each one of them and I guess the severity of Michael’s injuries would lead them to believe that if he survived, he would be a vegetable. Mere mortals… We had a thousand voices and more sending prayers for strength and healing for Michael. Prayers for what seemed would take a miracle. God is good.
Today - October 21, 2008
Michael and I walked two miles on this beautiful October morning. The autumn leaves are amazing, the sun is shining, there is a gentle breeze and as we walked Mike said “this is a great day. (thinking he means the weather) I respond “it is a beautiful day Mike” He says “this is happy life day”. It is indeed. One year later, it is a happy life we live. Happy Life Day!
Michael is alive. He is a walking, talking specimen of the grace of God. He reads, he sees, he hears, he loves, he is witty, he laughs and he remembers. He remembers us, he remembers himself, he remembers his life and he’s even learning new information. It may take him a little longer to recall memory in the short term but he has the ability to recall and store new memories. What more could we have asked for? He continues to amaze me with his drive and determination to recover. He is strong like bull and we will always Keep Hope Alive for Michael. We will continue the journey walking by his side where ever it leads us. We will do without reservation any and everything that is required to support Michael on his road to recovering from the severe traumatic injury to his brain.
We have so much to look forward to…and we have a wedding to plan! God is good. Life is good.
xxoo
Posted by rae on Oct 20, 2008 in
Mom's Corner It was almost a day like any other. Mike usually came home at some point during the week and the way that last year had gone financially it was to fill his belly with a home cooked meal and maybe a trip to Costco with Mom for the basic necessities. Ok, I’m a softy - although I believe in letting them fail, money or no money, you have to have toilet paper. That Saturday Mike was here. He spent most of the day with us. We did a little running around town, Bobby and I cut his hair, we hung out downstairs, watched a movie and then early evening went to Foster’s. I remember Emily was watching Ethan (my nephew’s then 3 year old son) - the thing that stuck out in my mind was how attentive Mike was with Ethan. Mike didn’t give kids the time of day. They usually got on his nerves “all squirmy, loud and hyper” but that afternoon, Mike was very playful with Ethan and I would even go as far to say that he was affectionate toward him. Ethan usually a bit shy was very drawn to Michael that day - it seemed as though they were drawn to each other. It was very cute. I remember saying to him that he was going to make a good dad one day. Mike’s mood was weird - the paying attention to Ethan thing and he was also much nicer to Emily. He’s always kept his distance with her - too many years between them I think. (I just said that he was in a weird mood because he was nice to people????) If you could get past the hard candy shell, he was warm, open, loving and affectionate. (Still is!) He was just very particular with whom he allowed in.
So, we go out to Foster’s - have a wonderful time and then we end up back at the house. I don’t remember if Nate and Sylvette went to Foster’s with us or if Nate met us back at the house - not sure. The next thing I remember is Nate and Mike leaving the house through the garage. Ask any of them - you don’t get out of the house without a hug and an “I love you”. But somehow Mike did. I was hugging Nathan in the doorway and saw Mike leaving the garage. I said “hey, you better come back and give me a hug”, Mike said “I’ll be back Mom - I’m probably going to spend the night here”. Disappointed but I always get so much grief over the fact that they’re grown…blah, blah, blah….I didn’t chase him down.
I woke between 3:10 to 3:20 AM on the morning of October 21, 2007 with what felt like a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I couldn’t stay in bed. I didn’t wake out of a dream - I just woke. I got out of bed, walked downstairs, let the dogs out kind of checking along the way to make sure the house was shut tight but couldn’t shake the feeling. It was my chest, my throat, my heart - something was wrong but not with me. Many, many nights I’ve called Michael “are you ok? I’m having one of those feelings”. Usually met with a little chuckle, then “I’m ok Mom, I’m ok.”
I knew something was not right but again, I was really working on letting go. I had even printed out a poem a couple of days before that I hung in my home office “woman with flower” as my mantra for helping me let go - not to worry. I went into my office, read the poem - “don’t call, everything’s ok”. I went back to our room, laid down, tossed and turned - still not right. Bobby woke with my stirring “go to sleep sweety, let me curl up with you”. “I can’t. I can’t breathe. I think I’m having a heart attack” Bobby - snoring again. I turned on the TV - started flipping channels. Reality - Code Blue is where I landed.
The episode included 3 young adults that had been in an auto accident. Two girls, one guy. The young man had a head injury - a traumatic brain injury as it turns out. I watched as the trauma team scurried in the ER to try to save his life. I watched the trach, the discussion and explanation of the ICP monitor. I watched as they inserted the ICP monitor into his skull. I saw how it measured the cranial pressure and listened as the trauma doctors talked about the damage that had already been done to this young man’s brain. And then the phone rang - I can’t see squat anymore so I didn’t know who was calling. Did it matter? No. When your phone rings in the wee hours of the morning - it is never good news. “Rae, did you get a call? It was David. “No” - I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say. I didn’t ask what happened? From who? He said “the social worker from Fairfax Hospital called, there’s been an accident. It’s Michael.”
I knew. Of course I knew. I had always known. It wasn’t if, it was when. God had been preparing me for this moment. By now Bobby was awake again - I called Nathan. I kept thinking the social worker called - not the nurse, not the doctor - the social worker. I could not feel anything other than I need to be there. He is alone and possibly already gone. Oh, Michael. Why? Why? Why? Then to God for the one and only time I asked “why didn’t he know his life was valuable? why?”
Arriving at the hospital - none of us could really speak. What do you say? You just wait. You wait, you don’t speak your fears out loud - we didn’t know. The social worker said as she met us, the doctors will be out in just a minute”. You don’t ask more - you wait. You don’t want to be there.
___________________________________________________________
Tuesday, October 23 - One foot in front of the other, breathe in, breathe out. I realized today, I am not the one to give updates. Getting through the days with overwhelming love and support from friends and family. I can’t begin to describe the emotional roller coaster. I cannot find the right words to describe that moment when a mother is confronted with her child’s mortality and she is helpless to make it better.
It is totally surreal—like walking in a fog or underwater. Nothing seems to make sense. The grief, confusion and inability to absorb what had and is happening becomes more and more difficult to cope with each day. Friends, family, doctors, nurses all try to comfort you, but at that moment in time there is no comfort. It doesn’t exist. Breathe in, breathe out.
Don’t stop. There is comfort in your presence, there is comfort in your thoughtfulness, there is comfort in your love for Michael and for our family. I cannot do this without you. Is it a mother’s blind hope more than anything based reality or science that when I leaned over to let Michael know last night that I would let him rest and see him in the morning, that he squeezed my hand? Only God knows.
Michael, come back to me.
______________________________________________________________
One year later - it still hurts. It will always hurt. Lessons? There have been many. So many lessons, so many blessings. I know I tend to preach when I start writing (and oh, my sermons are long) and for that I apologize but I think it’s because I don’t want anyone else to have to go through what our family has been through. If I can save ONE mother from ever having to face that moment, if I can save ONE person, if I can be a part of ONE thought, in ONE brain that under the influence of alcohol considers getting behind the wheel it will be worth you guys putting up with my lengthy sermons. (Easy for me to say right?)
I thank God for all his blessings. His decision to spare Michael’s life changed all of our lives forever. We love deeper. We laugh harder. We live wiser. We LIVESTRONG. It is still my belief that all things happen for a reason. I don’t question why. We have faith. We believe.
I thank you for your support this year. I thank you for keeping Michael in your thoughts and prayers and more importantly, in your lives. You are life to him - you are family. We love you all.
LIVESTRONG Michael.
xxoo
Posted by mike on Oct 19, 2008 in
Mike's Posts Thanks to everyone for coming out on a cold October day, especially Thomas coming out on laundry day in just his white short sleeve t-shirt. It’s been a great year. Looking forward to the next year coming up. It feels great to be around every one. I really do feel the support from everybody. Thank you. It was really really really good to see everybody. Whether im with one of you or all of you it helps me feel that maybe everything isn’t different. The hardest part of this whole thing for me is the isolation and loneliness I feel. I am confident and have no doubt that relearning everything will come in time hopefully. I know for recovery I need resources around me and all the friends I have I need and use for support. Yesterday, you guys helped me remember why I’m doing this.
Mike
Posted by rae on Oct 14, 2008 in
Mom's Corner October 13, 2008 it finally happened - he proposed - she accepted! The most romantic proposal - a beautiful afternoon - a jewel colored sunset - a visible full moon and we were hiding in the bushes! We’ve been keeping this little secret of Nate’s for weeks as he planned and plotted for just the right moment in time. Not surprisingly, it was amazing! Sylvette’s mother, Bobby, Mike, Emily and I were about to explode as we waited for Sylvette to meet Nate at the park after work…little did she know her life was about to change forever. I’ll let them give you all the juicy details but I had to post the news. We are SO excited about their future together and over joyed that Sylvette has officially accepted Nathan’s invitation to spend the rest of her life with him (and us)!
We love you Nate and Sylvette - CONGRATULATIONS!
xxoo
Posted by rae on Oct 12, 2008 in
Mom's Corner I talk about the parts of Mike we lost but in many ways he is still very much the same. There are certain characteristics that identify the core of his spirit that remain unchanged, one of which is music. The essence of the old Mike comes alive when he listens to his favored music (hard core rap). There are times when our music tastes blend - sometimes they don’t, but there is one where we’re in agreement. Jay-Z…I love Jay-Z, I am a huge fan! One of the finest rap artists of our time (just my opinion). I also LOVE Linkin Park so the mash album (Collision Course) was hog heaven for me. Mike, Emily and I are riding along in the car a couple of weeks ago, Encore/Numb playing on the iTouch and Mike says “this should be my song. This is my song…play it again.” We listened to it many times at his request and he now asks for it to be played just about every time we’re in the car. For what it’s worth, for however you interpret why he relates - this is Mike’s song.
Numb / Encore
Thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re far too kind
Now can I get an encore, do you want more
Cookin raw with the Brooklyn boy
So for one last time I need y’all to roar
What hell are you waitin for
After me, there shall be no more
So for one last time, nigga make some noise
Get em Jay
Who you know fresher than Hov’? Riddle me that
The rest of y’all know where I’m lyrically at
Can’t none of y’all mirror me back
Yeah hearin me rap is like hearin G. Rap in his prime
I’m, young H.O., rap’s Grateful Dead
Back to take over the globe, now break bread
I’m in, Boeing jets, Global Express
Out the country but the blueberry still connect
On the low but the yacht got a triple deck
But when you Young, what the fuck you expect? Yep, yep
Grand openin, grand closin
God damn your man Hov’ cracked the can open again
Who you gon’ find doper than him with no pen
just draw off inspiration
Soon you gon’ see you can’t replace him
with cheap imitations for DESE GENERATIONS
Now can I get an encore, do you want more
Cookin raw with the Brooklyn boy
So for one last time I need y’all to roar
What hell are you waitin for
After me, there shall be no more
So for one last time, nigga make some noise
What hell are you waiting for
[sighs]
Look what you made me do, look what I made for you
Knew if I paid my dues, how will they pay you
When you first come in the game, they try to play you
Then you drop a couple of hits, look how they wave to you
From Marcy to Madison Square
To the only thing that matters in just a matter of years (yea)
As fate would have it, Jay’s status appears
to be at an all-time high, perfect time to say goodbye
When I come back like Jordan, wearin the 4-5
It ain’t to play games witchu
It’s to aim at you, probably maim you
If I owe you I’m blowin you to smithereeens
Cocksucker take one for your team
And I need you to remember one thing (one thing)
I came, I saw, I conquered
From record sales, to sold out concerts
So muh’fucker if you want this encore
I need you to scream, ’til your lungs get sore
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I’ve become so numb
Can I get an encore, do you want more (more…)
I’ve become so numb
So for one last time I need y’all to roar
One last time I need y’all to roar!
***********************************************
Celebration of Life - Hope to see you on Saturday!
xxoo
Posted by rae on Oct 9, 2008 in
Mom's Corner Host: The Rosner-New Family
Location: Signal Hill Water Park Pavillion
Signal View Drive, Manassas Park, VA 20111
When: Saturday, October 18, 11:00AM -3PM
It’s been a tough year for so many of us. Each story is different, but you can never lose hope no matter what new challenges you face. The TBI experience alters the survivor’s life forever. It affects everyone else who knows the survivor in some way. There can be a real sense of grief over the dramatic change in pre-injury hopes and dreams which for most, are lost or altered forever so we must celebrate any and all accomplishments.
Michael has had wonderful help and support along the way. He wants to give something back to the community of support in recognition of all that has been done for him and for us. We celebrate you.
We feel it is important to Celebrate LIFE and the successes of ALL survivors, who have each met overwhelming challenges with courage and hope.
Please join us as we celebrate Michael’s one year anniversary of surviving traumatic brain injury. You have helped us stand when we thought we could not go on - we are family. We are ONE. It is the LOVE of this community of friends and family that we celebrate.
ONE LOVE.
A survivor Friend and Family Reunion - we’ll supply the hamburgers, hot dogs, sausages and drinks. Like an old fashioned family reunion, BRING your favorite side dish or dessert.
We look forward to being able to Celebrate the Life of each and every one of you because your life means so much to each and every one of us.
There are some of you that may have received an email invitation to this event but without your email addresses, we could not extend the invitation directly to your inbox. Please consider this your personal invitation to join us next Saturday the 18th of October from 11-3. For food prep and planning purposes, please let us know that you’ll be attending by just adding a “yes, I’ll be there” in the comment area below this posting or feel free to send Mike a confirmation email @ mikerosner@gmail.com.
xxoo
Posted by rae on Oct 8, 2008 in
Mom's Corner I wanted to respond to Jim’s (as always) insightful comment to the last post. While Michael was lying near death in the Trauma ICU at Fairfax Hospital, Nathan made a promise to Mike and himself. If Michael survived, Nathan wanted to share in what would become not only an incredible will to live but a will to live better. The life after would be full of necessary changes, one of which would be a life as a non-smoker. Nate’s promise was to stand up with his brother as a non-smoker and become a person living a healthier life, a life of better choices. When Michael was moved to Mt.Vernon Rehab and it looked like he would be home within months, Nathan faced and began to battle his nicotine addiction. He won. Stand up.
David’s mother (Grandma Vee), was a smoker until she lost her husband to lung cancer. They were serious smokers - a couple packs a day smokers - he died - she battled her nicotine addiction using hard candy. She quit. She won. Stand up to cancer.
A couple of years ago Bobby’s father quit after being diagnosed with emphysema. This year, Bobby’s mother quit. They’re winning. Stand up.
Michael came home on January 4th, 2008 to begin his new life. A life without cigarettes, a life without alcohol. As a result of driving under the influence of alcohol, Michael’s new life journey will be as a traumatic brain injury survivor .
If you’ve been following the blog, you may remember our friend Jeff who lost his son the day Bobby and I left to vacation in Kuauii’ on Valentine’s Day. Late September, an auto accident that caused severe head trauma took his father’s life. We were getting more of the details of Jeff’s father’s accident as Mike and I were leaving Costco that day and I got a little emotional. Any time a close friend suffers, you suffer with them but this injury in particular hit hard. Jeff is a dear friend and knowing that this year he’s had to say good bye to his son and his father saddened me deeply.
The physical wounds of Michael’s accident have healed but the injury to his brain will be a long arduous journey to who knows where. I will be eternally grateful that we did not have to say goodbye to our son last October and I don’t go a day without thanking God for sparing his life.
But sitting in the car with Michael in the Costco parking lot, I found myself mourning the son sitting right beside me. Mike asked “are you ok Mom?” I answered with the truth. A truth felt but left unspoken until ” Michael, it’s probably hard for you to understand because you’re right here with me but hearing about Jeff’s Dad, an auto accident, a head injury and a loss of a loved one just brings back so many memories of your accident. And as weird as it sounds, I guess I mourn the loss of you - the parts of you we lost.” Mike doesn’t say alot but when he has something to say, it usually takes my breath. Michael said “Mom, don’t mourn the loss. I am clearly not the same person and a part of me is gone, I will never be the same person I was. But I am here and I am here with an opportunity to be a better man. Everything I am now, is for a reason. Don’t be sad for me. Believe. Have hope, cause I do. “ With tears but now smiling, I put on my sunglasses and we drove home. Stand up to fear.
I get lost sometimes. I allow the realities of this life to get the best of me and at times I’m barely hanging on. I don’t look too far ahead, I fear the future (now that sucks for planning purposes but really works for blocking out the most probable harsh reality of the future) I can’t see the forest for the trees. Life gets heavy. But as heavy as life gets for all of us, there is always a light if you look, if you listen. There is a light that sometimes comes when it’s least expected and then we win. We win back that moment in time when we thought that all was right with the world. It is still right - it’s just different. It is different but it is going to be ok. We’re still here. Is it our responsibility to stand up and be strong for the living? I think so. I am standing up to cancer. I am standing up to fear and keeping hope alive.
Join me. Don’t smoke. Don’t drink and drive. Think Healthy - Don’t over-eat. Exercise. Stand up for life.
Keep Hope Alive.
LIVESTRONG.
STAND UP.
xxoo