I don’t care much for titles

People ask how I’m feeling and most of the time I have a hard time coming up with thoughts to explain it. Sometimes i think I don’t have thoughts at all but i guess I do. I think about a lot of things actually but I don’t think about them long. Coming back from the dead is a process they say.  I’m working on regaining my memory and getting used to my new schedule. It’s all in a days work. The most frustrating thing is the short term memory loss. It seems that things that keep my attention I am able to remember a little better.  But if I am distracted with things around me or just noise in general I can’t remember it even if it just happened. I think alot about taking classes online but I know the memory thing is going to get in my way. I’m still going to do it though. I feel frustrated almost all the time. I wish I was healed already but I know it’s a process and I have to be patient. But I’m not a very patient person.  I get bored sometimes but I enjoy the rest.  It’s an internal struggle. I am recovering I never feel like giving up.  I’ve never been one to take the easy route in life so the struggle makes me feel like i’m accomplishing something. There are aspects of my recovery that I’m not happy with but other areas that I’m very proud. I get lonely for companionship and I miss hanging out with my friends but I keep in touch with email and the telephone.  Having the best friends ever in the world doesn’t hurt either.  I keep my journal with me all the time and that helps me remember if I remember to write things down. I was looking in my journal at next month and on my birthday there is a quote from Henry David Thoreau. It says “it is not enough to be busy…so are the ants. The question is “what are we busy about?”

So the question is: what am I busy about? I’m busy about getting better as fast as humanly possible. One day at a time. What are you busy about?