storm brewing?

There is anger beneath the surface that shows its ugly face to Emily.  No kind words, no smiles, no love or affection, just an aggressive intolerance for her existence.  She is so happy to have Michael home, so happy that he is alive and recovering and she is amazingly understanding when the hurtful comments from him are aimed at her and only her.  

We know about opinions…here’s mine.  Mike always the big, tough older brother now needs assistance with daily living and Emily the doting younger sister would wait on him hand and foot if allowed.  He glares at her, speaks down to her and for some reason it is constant at the dinner table.  With goodness at heart, I think Emily’s nurturing demeanor may threaten Mike’s masculinity. 

 I think he needs to show her that he’s still the tough guy. He doesn’t want her to think of or see him as weak.  It is like a switch that turns on and off when she is in his visual field.  He looks at her; he is a hard, cold thunder storm.  He looks away and his face softens; the tone in his voice changes and he is a warm, gentle rain.  I waste no time halting this behavior and speak to him about it even when Emily is not with us but this underlying anger concerns me.  Is my “tough guy” theory correct or is there an angry storm brewing?

Michael was in a car accident.  It was a horrifying night that left my son with traumatic brain injuries and changed all of our lives forever.  The darkness of October 21st, 2007 is over as we look forward to better days ahead.  “Change” is a Tracy Chapman song that touched me the moment I heard it.  Certain songs immediately bring images of a familiar face or a time in your life and ”Change” always had that effect for me bringing a face to mind until now…now when I listen, I see your face.  I don’t want another family to feel the wound so deep that three months out you still can’t sleep, you still weep, you still mourn for “what could have been” for your child…you can’t imagine, you really can’t.

I cannot have doubts that a full recovery is where these baby steps lead because the slightest doubt washes away my faith.  My faith that miracles happen and that we are in the midst.  My faith that prayers are answered.  My belief that there was a reason his life was saved and that God has a plan for Michael.  We’ve heard that some families don’t rise to the challenge, don’t have the courage, the patience or the understanding to go the distance.   

The true test for us is long term but we are now as we have always been - solid, determined believers in unconditional love, trust and compassion.  Life is full of experiences you don’t expect, we walk by faith.