I’m Ok

How do you get through the tough times? With humor. There is not one situation when Michael knows he said it wrong or did it wrong, that he doesn’t respond with laughter. He doesn’t get stressed out, he doesn’t get frustrated, he doesn’t give up, he just laughs and tries again. We could probably all learn from his approach. Laugh it off, don’t take yourself so seriously.

With a little push, we finally got his nurse to remove the original wrap and ace bandage from the surgery on his knee. Mike is still feeling discomfort and pain with it, but his knee looks good. Only three small incisions that should heal in no time.

Michael’s strength is returning and with each day we see his cognitive ability working toward pre-knee surgery levels.  There are fabricated tales, a little more coaching talk to himself as he tries to navigate physical movement, and there seems to be a low energy threshold but he’s still smiling.  Mike will tell you that he’s getting bored, enjoys visits with friends and family, loves physical therapy and is looking forward to going home.

I listen to Michael humming a tune as he tries to calm himself, something to get him through the functions in the bathroom that for right now, he has to share with his mother or his brother or a nurse because he cannot be left alone.  He is humbled, he is embarressed and he hums.  ”Are you ok Michael?”, I ask from just outside the door, then crack it just a bit so I can see his face.  ”are you ok, Mom? he asks and then smiles.  “I’m ok Michael”.  We’re all ok.

We’re 10 days from Christmas without Michael at home.  I asked him this morning if he had thought about what he wanted for Christmas, he said “well, I think I would really like a shower and a haircut”.  Not a long list of the latest and the coolist, just a simple shower would mean alot.  The true meaning of Christmas gets away from us and as much as we try to remember the reason for the season, the retail gratification overcomes us.  “Santa Claus is coming to town” is the song we sing as we spend thousands of dollars on friends and loved ones. When Shannon was leaving today, he said he was headed to his Grandmother’s house to be a part of the family tradition of baking christmas cookies together.  Looking back on Christmas ‘07, I bet Shannon’s family will remember the time in the kitchen together and not the new watch or the new jeans they find under the tree.  How precious each memory becomes when that Grandmother, father, sister, brother is no longer with us.   Michael won’t be home this Christmas, but he is still with us.  Thanks to “the reason for the season”, Michael is alive and is recovering.  I’m pretty sure that was on our Christmas list.

I’ve always loved Silent Night, but from the first time I heard it, Celine Dion’s version of “Oh, Holy Night” became my favorite Christmas song.  As Michael smiles a little larger, laughs a little harder, and hums a little louder the presence of the spirit rings ever more true.  “a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.  For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!  Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices…”

All cleaned up

After a late night visit from Santa last night (he kind of freaked Mike out a little, but my brother’s kids loved it) Michael got an early gift.  He had a shower and a fresh new haircut before the days end.  What a difference!  Brain injury or no brain injury, cleanliness has always been important to Michael and he felt so good after the clean up.

To his delight, Mike had many friends and family visitors over the weekend.  It was interesting to watch his reaction when he saw each person walk in the room. His facial expressions are easy to read and you learn to watch body language when verbal communication is not primary.  Most, but not all people are met with big smiles and a ‘hey, what’s up?” with their name in the greeting.  I noticed a different response from Michael today and it was a bit unsettling.  When we were alone, I asked if everything was ok.  His first response was “yeah, everything’s ok.  Everything’s fine.”  I told him that asked because it seemed like something was wrong, something was bothering him.  Was he in pain?  Did the haircut bother him, considering he has a head full of healing incisions, you never know.  Was it too much?  He then told me that a certain visitor bothered him.  That the visitor brought feelings to him that he didn’t like.  It made him angry and that he did not consider this person a friend.  I asked if he wanted me to tell him not to come back.  He said “yes, please. I do not want him to come back”.  Michael is remembering more and more each day.

At the end of the day, he was tired from the busy weekend but not too tired to hang out with one of his best buds for the late night Skins game.  Although not quite the same (there was no beer and they were in a hospital room) they settled in to watch the game like they had so many times before.  The band of brothers is strong for these guys.  If you’re in it, you’re in it.  If you’re not, you’re not.