One foot in front of the other
Tuesday, October 23 - One foot in front of the other, breathe in, breathe out. I realized today, I am not the one to give updates. Getting through the days with overwhelming love and support from friends and family. I can’t begin to describe the emotional roller coaster. I cannot find the right words to describe that moment when a mother is confronted with her child’s mortality and she is helpless to make it better.
It is totally surreal—like walking in a fog or underwater. Nothing seems to make sense. The grief, confusion and inability to absorb what had and is happening becomes more and more difficult to cope with each day. Friends, family, doctors, nurses all try to comfort you, but at that moment in time there is no comfort. It doesn’t exist. Breathe in, breathe out.
Don’t stop. There is comfort in your presence, there is comfort in your thoughtfulness, there is comfort in your love for Michael and for our family. I cannot do this without you. Is it a mother’s blind hope more than anything based reality or science that when I leaned over to let Michael know last night that I would let him rest and see him in the morning, that he squeezed my hand? Only God knows.
Michael, come back to me.
Love you!