Michael Rosner was in a single car accident 10/21/07 because he made the decision to get behind the wheel and drive after spending the evening drinking with friends. He arrived CODE BLUE in the Trauma ICU – non-responsive, in danger of immediate death.
We are inspired by his strength and determination and believe it was through the love of this community, through prayer and by the grace of God that Michael is with us today. If you believe, you will recieve. We believe.
Host: Mike Rosner and Family
Location: Nokesville Park View Map
12560 Aden Road
Nokesville, VA 20181
When: Saturday, October 17, 11:00AM to 4:00PM
Join us for some fun in the country!
Volleyball, and food, horseshoes, apple snugglin’, water balloon toss, and food, some poopin’ in the basket, hoola hoop contest and food!
All of us will be faced with obstacles throughout our lives. We have to persevere and learn from them and some of us will have to work harder to reach our goals.
Who are we?
We are an ever growing community of friends, family acquaintances and strangers banded together with the purpose of supporting our friend, our brother, our grandson, our cousin, our nephew, our son in his time of need. We are moms and dads, teachers and students, therapists, worker bees, managers and administrators, we are well known and we are anonymous. We are you and me.
We feel it is important to Celebrate LIFE and the successes of ALL survivors who have each met overwhelming challenges with courage and hope.
There is life after brain injury and life is what we celebrate! Michael’s recovery continues to amaze us but he does not and cannot do this alone. So for the countless hours of hard work in therapy, we applaud Michael’s continued determination and success as a brain injury survivor and for having the courage to be just that-a survivor.
We also celebrate the incredible support of family and friends that help him walk this journey – we celebrate you. Through this second year you have continued to help us stand when many times we thought we could not go on.We are you and me. We are ONE. It is the LOVE of this community of friends and family that we celebrate.
Last year we asked that you bring your favorite side dish or dessert and it was such a great success. The salads, the cookies, the melt in your mouth BROWNIES – YUM-O – Please do it again!
We look forward to being able to Celebrate Life with each and every one of you because your life means so much to each and every one of us.
Below are comments from the last post. I wanted to bring a little more attention to them because as Mike deals with the nice pretty gifts that accompany self awareness; low self-esteem, depression, doubt, fear, regret, anger, frustration and it only gets prettier. I thought it was important to bring it to the surface. We will NEVER understand what this is like for him and for others who must live the rest of their lives with an injury to their brains. It not only changes who you are forever, it shakes the very foundation of your being. There is no escaping it. There is only learning to cope and compensate. It is still in the silence of knowing and then not being able to be the person you know. Still in the silence.
Nate
Sep 14, 2009 at 1:52 pm
sounds more like transitive – If a = b and b = c, then a = c( I had to look that up btw ).
But, Im sure there are plenty of other equations that you can apply to the situation.
Alex
Sep 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Hi Mike, just dropping by, and had a thought. Your progress = brain fitness. In three weeks I will be running a half marathon in London. I ran one at the end of July, so I know I can run a half marathon, because I’ve done it before, right? Trouble is, what with the children’s summer holidays/limited childcare/getting overtaken by life….I haven’t done any training since I ran my last race. I think that much of what you get frustrated by with your mother is stuff you know that you can do – because you’ve done it before. (I remember you telling me when I asked about your empty journal pages – I can fill them in, I just haven’t) But I think you will know as well as I do that if I’m going to put in a half decent performance in October’s race I can’t sit back admiring my last race medal, I need to get out there and put the miles in to build fitness. Even if I know I’ve done it before.
Mike (it’s him)
Sep 23, 2009 at 12:59 pm
No Alex (lieutenant), of course you’re right again. I don’t think so. I know that the fat unemployed loser who lives at home again, the person I’ve become. Just because I can talk a good game in no way means that I can necessarily walk that same game. I just feel I have to somehow keep my spirits up and sometimes I do so by making myself sound maybe a little better than I actually am currently.
rae
Sep 23, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Welcome to the world of it doesn’t have to make sense. Mike, you and I have weekly discussions about perception. Perception isn’t always reality but perception can become your reality if you’re not careful.
Perception – a person’s knowledge creates his reality as much as the truth, because the human mind can only contemplate what it has been exposed to. When you see things without understanding, the mind tries to reach for something that it already recognizes, in order to process what it is viewing. So what most closely relates to the unfamiliar from our past experiences, makes up what we see when we look at things that we don’t comprehend
With that in mind, let’s take the accident out. If this were your life as you described above, of course you would not be happy. No accident, no injury living at home, not working hitting 200 lbs…yeah, you would call/think of yourself a loser. But it was real. As much as we all wish it didn’t happen to you, it did.
Do you understand that you live at home because you were in a horrible accident and what you lost on Oct, 21, 2007 on I66 is not an easy recover? Yes. Do you understand that you may not be an employee but the job you have now holds more responsibility and more commitment than any other job you have or will ever hold? Yes. Do you understand that every function, yes, EVERY function is controlled by your brain, including your metabolism and that extreme fatigue comes absolutely free with an injury to your brain? Yes, you know that. Do you understand that a loser would not have the strength, the will, the courage to not be JUST a survivor and would not have the determination to overcome this “f’d” up thing that happened? Yes, you know this. But does the reality of it all become too much to look in the face some days? Yes and because of that, it is totally ok to make yourself sound and feel like a fricking superhero if that’s what it takes to get through the day.
Take Alex’s advise. You know it’s true…you have to put in the miles and you do. But here’s the error…if your perception is that you’re unemployed and live at home again = loser, your perception is wrong. You have not been here before. You haven’t done this before. Yes, you’ve walked, read a book, played games, learned to play a musical instrument before, but you’ve never done it with an injury to your brain so severe, that doctors said you would probably be a vegetable. Sorry Mike. You’re not a loser. You’re a survivor. A survivor of something so devastating that most would not have the inner strength to persevere. You’re a soldier and this is the mother of all marathons.
The battle – progress vs memory
Understanding the effects of TBI in your life requires that you make honest appraisals of who you are and what you hope to achieve within the context of your situation. Extremely difficult when the injury itself has affected self awareness, short term memory loss, problem solving and decision making. It means that doing things and understanding things takes more time and effort than before TBI. It means that your reaction time will be slower, you will become more excitable, and your sense of knowing will be different. It means that organizing and expressing your thoughts will be more difficult so measuring your own success seems an almost impossible feat. It means that self regulation and self appreciation will be diminished.
progress vs memory
Swimming in a streaming exercise pool…you swim for an hour and you’re still in the same place. In the moment, there’s no visual measure of progress. BUT – if you could remember how long you were able to swim when you began the exercise; if you could visually see where you started and could compare then and now, maybe it would help. For Michael, although it feels to you like you are swimming upstream without progress, you are achieving nothing less than miraculous measurable improvement.
Mike says to me “I think I’m done. I feel like I have plateaued”, rebuking the notion I give him examples of the progress I continue to see on a regular basis. Improvements in initiation – noticing that meds need to be refilled and gathering every prescription and vitamin from the cabinet and refrigerator. Sorting, filling, and then letting me know that a ‘script needs to be called into Costco for a refill. Improvements in planning – without assistance, remembering to check the monthly view on his planner to see when he would have time to schedule a massage. Improvements in processing speed – M-F watching Wheel of Fortune and then Jeopardy, Mike is attentive and spitting out answers with the best of contestants. Last weekend I think he impressed quite a few of us. Spending a couple of hours on a Fantasy Football Draft conference call with Matt and Karl, which at any other time during this recovery phase just maintaining the stamina and focus would have been a huge accomplishment in it’s own right, but he also kept up with who’s turn it was, which players he needed for his team AND through all of that kept up and initiated some ”smack” talk which could have been a huge distraction . Accomplishments are notable and measurable, but my references to those improvements were not what the doctor ordered. I’m his mom – he thinks I might be a little biased and perhaps the same little cheerleader I’ve always been. He isn’t affected.
That Friday’s visit with the neuropsychologist – he doesn’t waiver. He says to her ” I think I have plateaued.” she looks at him with almost disbelief, looks at me then back to him and says ” not only would our visits be fewer or further between, but if I didn’t think you were continuing to make progress, I would most likely discontinue treatment. Mike, in just the last month, I have seen many cognitive and behavioral improvements…”. She continued giving anticdotal details and examples that confirmed her professional opinion. But that coaching session did not pick away at the concrete where the thought was planted - he knew this “was it” for him. We still hadn’t gotten through.
Already in place was a plan for me to meet with his Cognitive Rehab specialist after their session on Wednesday to discuss a day and time change for the upcoming few months. During the meeting, Anthony took the time to show Michael and I reports that were generated by the cognitive computer programs that Michael uses during their appointments. It was there that Michael was able to see not an opinion but something tangible; something on paper, in black and white (actually it was in color) that he was progressing! Michael could clearly see that from day 1 to present the marker of each exercise went up. Not down, not straight across; UP. In the beginning of one exercise for a particular cognitive area, Mike was at a level 2. At the end of this day’s session the report showed that each and every week from day 1 Mike had increased a level or two and was now scoring above the measurable scale. Not an opinion, measured and marked by this computer program and is just as concrete as that thought planted in Michael’s head making him think that he had plateaued. There are many areas…there is much more ahead… but for this phase, this wall – how do you spell relief? A-N-T-H-O-N-Y.
Progress vs. memory – I read something once that stuck in my head; a little abstract but here goes: our memories are what keep life in color and without them the “now” is in black and white; like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. Being able to remember where you were and how far you’ve come = measurable progress = color/the land of oz. Measurable progress without being able to remember = thinking you’ve plateaued = black and white/ Auntie Em…Kansas. …I don’t know. It made sense to me at the time
Michael – it’s going to be ok. I know we are at a pretty challenging stage right now, you are often frustrated with me because I am the constant reminder that our work is not done. Many thoughts these days get planted in concrete and running into the wall time after time has become routine. BUT we will find a way to work through this. We will because it is the most important journey of your life.
I almost forgot to mention what took my breath away when we were walking the other day – Mike says “mom, I don’t know if it’s a transitive property or an associative property (I’m thinking I don’t know what either of those are but go ahead), I respond “uh, huh”, he continues “but I was thinking about the mathmatical properties of what has happened because everything can be connected mathmatically” Again I’m thinking, “really?” but say ” ok”, he then says ” if (life+drive) =work and work = dreams acheived then (life +drive) = dreams acheived”. We walk a few more yards and I’m still trying to figure out the answer to the whole transitive/associative thing and he says “so I’ve been thinking about that if (alcohol+driving)=life and life = dreams deferred then (alcohol+life)=dreams deferred. I have no idea where any of this came from but can I just tell you that I am absolutely blown away by the way his mind thinks. BLOWN AWAY! OBTW – he looked it up, it’s transitive he thinks.
If I can get the video to link, it is a video of putting potatoes and peppers in the basket that I took with my phone I apologize in advance for the poor video quality. But it might be a good reminder of your progress when memory fails to be the measure.
reference – basket of peppers Blog Post december 4, 2007 titled “Never Ending Faith”
Never Ending Faith? Still have it. Won’t lose it. You with me?
A response to Michael’s last post that I thought deserved better placement than just a comment. This is to Mike from his beautiful brother, my son Nathan.
Mike,
I cannot agree more with the everyone who has responded to this post. You just left my house after a late night bowling, and I am thinking that walking away from that accident was a gift. That the brain injury is a miracle. I dont quite know how to say it, but it appears to me that you have a new brain. Which means that you have new eyes, and new hands, and a new voice, and new ears, and a new perspective on life.
I remember seeing you become concious for the first time after being in the coma, and you could not talk.
But you looked at me.
And, that was the beginning.
Everyday is a celebration of so many things, but you are now openly celebrated everyday. And not because you own a yacht, or you studied astrophysics, but a much more humble and simple celebration. One we can all understand. Just waking up and being alive, and climbing everyday. Higher and higher, and I’m coming with you.
Tommorow we swim and start with 400 yards again. Climbing. Tommorow we go to Dito and I imagine I will see you again, buzzing with positive energy and creative thinking. Climbing. And I know you will push yourself in all the physical and cognitive therapy you do every day.
Climbing. Climbing. How about we go hiking one day?
On the 21st of this month, Michael will have been working toward recovery for 21 months. Twenty two months since the accident, one month spent in a coma. I don’t know where I thought we would be. How do you plan for the unknown? There’s no “based on historical data” with a brain injury because not one of them is the same. The medical world can tell you what was injured and what those areas control or contribute to when they analyze an MRI or CT Scan but they will also be the first to admit that they cannot predict the outcome after an injury to the brain. The medical professionals are an essential part of recovery and I am so thankful that Michael has had some of the field’s “best” on his team. Without their guidance, this brain injury thing would be more than a long road; it would be an insurmountable journey. Although Northern Virginia has it’s downfalls, we were and are very blessed to be where resources for brain injury survivors are within an hour’s drive. Blessings…we have many.
I was looking for a notebook this morning and stumbled upon “For One More Day”. Beneath it was the book that replaced the large blue posters that hung in Michael’s room in Fairfax Hospital. Jordan brought in the first of three posters and within days they were full of pictures and well wishes, pleas for recovery, tic marks for how many days Shannon had been able to get away with illegal parking, notes about the good looking nurses and a few “so and so was here” but every one a message of hope that Michael would open his eyes to realize just how much he was loved and needed. (Fast forward – the posters remain in Mike’s room today). My brother Ron and his wife Kirsten replaced the posters with a small notebook when Micahel was moved to Mt. Vernon Rehab and although not quite as noticable as something hanging on the wall, the sentiments were the same. Danny wrote “Mike, I stopped by today with Catherine and Liz. We went to Five Guys and brought you back a burger…” Karl wrote “…I stopped by before going to church and we talked about the Tech game…” In the book Michael reads the log of reminders that he was not alone on this journey; he was loved and needed.
Twenty one months…how’s Mike doing? It’s complicated.
I’ll begin with his schedule. Monday is two hours of Cognitive Rehab through Brain Injury Services in Springfield. I went the first couple of sessions and one day I needed logistical assistance and asked Nate if he could take Mike. Since then, Monday is group for both Mike and Nate. The group not only offers Michael an opportunity to improve cognition but offers a safe environment to share his ideas and circumstances with others who’s lives are so different from their independent lives before brain injury. From my perspective, the window into the world of other TBI survivors has granted Nathan insight to the significance and value of his contribution. Interacting with intention is what we do as parents but it also happens to be what we can and should do to assist after TBI. HERO alert – Nate volunteered to assist with the rehab group program at BIS on his day off. Pay it forward. Brain Injury Services INC Springfield VA – I can’t say enough about them or their services – DONATE please. http://www.braininjurysvcs.org It is such a worthy cause.
Monday – Cognitive Rehab Group session at BIS in Springfield 10:30 -12:30 / Bowling with friends 9pm – midnight
Friday – 10 -11:30 Yoga in Manassas 1pm Neuropsychologist in Springfield
Mike is working on an outline for his future speaking ventures and in those notes is the word “average”. Average = normal. Michael says he is working his way to average. Who would have ever thought Mike Rosner would ever strive to be “average”? Who would have ever thought that night that getting behind the wheel after drinking would eradicate the normalization of independent living, social re-adaptation, family life, and education or vocational endeavors? Mike obviously didn’t think about that did he? Now cognitivly impaired, including frontal executive functions (problem solving, impulse control, self-monitoring) attention, short-term memory and learning, speed of information processing and speech and language functions. One decision changed everything forever. Oh, but that’s just me talking.
The changes in personality and behavior are complicated by the lack of awareness of the changes. I don’t like to post things that might have an adverse effect so I post with hopes that my words have a positive effect. A TBI survivor may be unable to appreciate that his behavior is different, which is in stark contrast to the fact that family and friends are painfully aware that the person has changed in fundamental ways. The TBI survivor might have a vague sense that he is different or “not who I used to be” and yet struggle to define the ways in which his behavior or personality is different. After TBI, they’re not aware of changes in their behavior and especially not executive functions. But, they may be able to see changes in more concrete things like physical changes or motor function. It’s not purposeful, it’s just a symptom of the cognitive deficits and the dreaded frontal lobe executive dysfunction . Even in the moment and able to admit to some difficulties, he won’t be able to remember, or connect the implications of these deficits for future situations. Like I said, it’s complicated.
So, how is Mike doing?
He is amazing and still pushes himself beyond what most with his injuries would or could. Is he like before? No. Is he healed? No. But he is still improving. He mentioned to his doctor the other day that he thought maybe he had plateaued. she basically said “no way”. Nate told me the other day that he was so happy that each week he saw something new and improved. Yesterday morning for the VERY FIRST time, Mike refilled his meds on his own with no prompting, no hints, no ques….there is an alarm set to take meds on his watch at 9AM. The alarm went off, the case for the week was empty and so the “normal” thing to do would be to get the arsenal of medications from the cabinet and refrigerator and refill the meds and vitamins for a seven day period dividing to the appropriate AM or PM per the prescription. He “normally” did what needed to be done. I came in to the room to see Michael making another “first” in initiation and 21 months in to this recovery, it was just like the day I watched him walk up the stairs to get his socks because his feet were cold. I wanted to cry out, to jump up and down with joy because he continues to defy the odds. As much as he fights me, as much as the deficits in motivated behavior from the hippocampus circuitry of reward (oh, yeah I’ve had to learn a lot – it’s the apathy thing) as much as I feel like some days he pushes away every thing I try to accomplish with him… it (the brain injury) is not winning!
We are STILL winning…Michael is STILL improving. It is worth it all.
Keep Hope Alive. Just Do It.
LIVESTRONG Michael.
xxoo
Learn to become still … take your attention away from what you don’t want, and place your attention on what you wish to experience.
The energizer bunny…where does he live? Maybe here. Mike does not rest when he is awake. If we are home, he likes the background noise of the TV but he really doesn’t watch much. The morning news will catch his attention, ESPN for a quick sports update, he likes to listen to the championship poker games every now and then lifting his eyes for a glimpse at the poker table. In the evening there are a couple of shows he likes but for the most part, if we are home his brain is not resting. He probably owns every DS brain challenging game there is and the DS does not have a chance to gather dust (or in our house, disgusting dog hair from our “wonder how he still has any hair” Mastiff). If Michael is not playing DS, or researching something on the Internet, or participating in a rehab program or something related to rehab, he is reading the blog. He is constantly focused without the ability to maintain focus. A conundrum.
co·nun·drum something confusing: something that is puzzling or confusing
Michael will work night and day retraining the areas of his brain that need to find new pathways; making the connections stronger with each challenge. He is focused. He can maintain focus without interruption for hours and would if I didn’t get in his way. Ask him…he’ll tell you just how much I get in his way. The “General” is committed. He has mastered the art of being alone in a room full of people and I can probably be pretty good at that myself. Maybe you’re good at it as well. The difference is, Michael is recovering from an injury to his head that changed the way his brain works. His brain is still in training. It is still healing, still getting stronger, damaged parts that used to control a thought process still need to find a new way to connect the right lobe to the left lobe, the back to the front, that beautiful wonderous healing brain is still a work in progress. So the part that let’s him focus for hours alone with his electronics is good BUT….
I read this recently and thought it was so relevant to what we (Mike and the rest of us) are experiencing. We are born with the amount of brain cells (neurons) that we will need for a lifetime but the neurons aren’t connected. As we interact with an infant or toddler, connections are formed. Positive interactions with nurturing parents or caregivers – like the attention children receive when they are read to. Even friends make a difference (yes, your circle of friends is a vital part of your working brain) -interaction profoundly stimulates old and young brains. This stimulation causes new connections to form pathways (learning pathways) and strengthens existing ones. As we age we shed the neurons we don’t use so the more stimulation and experiences you have, the more connections your brain will have formed (synapses) and the less it will shed. Connection. Being connected helps our brains stay connected. Pretty cool, huh?
You know we’re always keeping hope alive down here on the Roseberry Farm and my hope today is that my brain isn’t shedding as much as our dog is. Jokes aside, for the brain to keep making those connections it must rest. It must rest during periods of awakeness and also rest during periods of sleep. Without enough rest, the brain taps out of it’s stash of energy just like our bodies do. Man, am I good at making a short point long! Sorry.
A couple of things to finish this update. Michael has lost the ability to rest his brain during periods of awakeness and I know that without it, his recovery will suffer. I care enough to get in his way. There is a processing overload with some brain injuries that makes it more difficult to keep up with conversations, retain information, distracting noise, too many people talking, etc. Information is easier to process when you control the speed of what and how it comes in. All that DS and iPhone focus could be viewed as withdrawing, it might even seem rude at times but it is more than likely a way to control what and how information comes in. I care enough to get in his way. If Michael is going to re-enter the world as an independent player (and yes, even a playa) one day, he must learn to be in the moment. He must re-learn the talents of his person – to analyze and pay attention to the details and nuances of conversation. He must be able to make decisions, pay attention, focus, care about what is outside of those eight inches away from his face. Electronics - not where real people live. I care enough to get in his way.
God bless all of you that care enough to get in his way. For not excepting anything less from Michael than what he would want you to. Jim says “figure it out”. Nate. God bless Nate. He pushes Mike harder than anyone else to keep fighting his way out. He pushes him emotionally telling Mike that when he stays nose down on his phone the whole time they’re together it makes him feel like Mike doesn’t care. He pushes him mentally – yesterday they took a trip to the mall using public transportation helping Mike take those first steps toward mobile independence. He pushes him physically – today they swam 1300 meters. The swim today included a 200 meter drill in the stroke that someone said within the first six months out of the hospital after seeing him swim a stroke that he used to swim with such power and fluidity “don’t try to swim butterfly anymore. You can’t do it now, it takes too much coordination, just do freestyle”. Yeah, don’t tell them that Mike won’t be able to do something because Nate will push his brother to do everything you said he couldn’t.
I only talked about Nate and briefly Jim but there are others that show Mike every day that they care enough to get in his way. Karl – “Mike you were supposed to call me today…don’t give me excuses!” A few months ago, the band of brothers played their best poker hands with Mike cutting him no slack (he came in second by the way). I think they would want the same.
I look each day in the face but fast forward to “what if” when things get tough…”what if” something should happen to me? and what if Mike isn’t ready? There is nothing like that “what if” to get me right back where I need to be. It is not always easy, is it Mike? We butt heads, we are both determined and many times we are determined not to back down. But just as I knew it then, and I know it now. We can do this. You can do this. I gotcha.
I love the new theme! It just keeps getting better!! Mike is working with Jim on the blog each week trying to make it a little easier to navigate and a little more user friendly. Mike said that he would like this site to read more like a book so for those landing on the site for the first time, if there was interest for a better understanding they would have a way to begin at Chapter One.
October 22, 2007 ” Michael was in a single car accident on I66 at exit 66 at 3:20 AM October 21, 2007….
Tuesday, October 23 – One foot in front of the other, breathe in, breathe out. I realized today, I am not the one to give updates. Getting through the days with overwhelming love and support from friends and family. I can’t begin to describe the emotional roller coaster. I cannot find the right words to describe that moment when a mother is confronted with her child’s mortality and she is helpless to make it better….
Chapter 2 might begin with:
11-1-07 @9:00/AM – Today is a GREAT day. Mike responded to some commands, they asked him to show them his thumb and two fingers and he did. He also tried to open one eye.
Yesterday morning as Mike and I were in the cool down portion of our two miles, we passed a neighbor and she said “I see you both walking in the mornings, I’ve been watching you over this year and I just wanted to tell you what a good Mom I think you are. You are so committed.” I thanked her of course but that kind of talk makes me really uncomfortable. It’s not anything different than any parent would do. If you were in the same situation, you would do everything in your power to try to get back the life your child once had. We all want our children to achieve their potential. This isn’t much different than sitting with them through difficult homework, or insisting they practice violin, or memorize multiplication tables. Not so different unless you face the reality of the brain injury every day. That’s what you can’t do. That’s what I can’t do and that’s what I don’t do. For me, it is still breathe in, breathe out. One foot in front of the other.
Much like Michael’s rehab, this blog will be a work in progress and it, just like Mike might just serve as inspiration and could offer so much more for us all. I know I’m not alone when I find myself asking and wanting more than I should. Insatiable? Ungrateful? I don’t know, but when paired with images of what it could have been, the initial prognosis, the injuries sustained, where we’ve come from and the progress thus far, I have to question my sanity.
Huge applause to the effort Mike puts in to each day. HUGE applause. This is NOT EASY! I do push him but he puts in the work and he pushes himself to stay focused. He pushes himself not to get lost in the tangled thoughts, habits and behaviors that the, as he calls it “stupid brain injury” creates and causes. When the brain is making new pathways and connections, it doesn’t always get it right.
Michael, I applaud your hard work and I am so proud of you.
I also applaud everyone who contributes to Mike’s continued recovery. Nathan, Sylvette, Emily and Bobby – you guys are in the daily trenches. Big applause! Karl, Jim, and Matt - you know why – BIG applause. To everyone else that reaches out and understands why Mike doesn’t – Big applause.
Mike will be twenty seven years old on June 18th. I thank God for all his blessings.
Our first family vacation since Mike’s accident ended, like most vacations much too quickly. We have so many family photos that we’ve taken throughout the years but some of the most memorable are those taken at the beach. There’s a certain something that comes alive in us with that combination of sun, surf and sand. Mike’s infamous (as one doctor tagged it) “Bay Watch Babe” photo was taken on a beach in Barbados. Our pictures this trip were taken in Myrtle Beach on a trip that was long overdue and we all came away with wanting more. More time on the beach, more fun in the sun but mostly wanting more time with each other without having to deal with the stresses of daily life. Ahhh…the beach.
The weather was unpredicatable but that made for great waves! The water was a little on the cold side but once you got used to it, it felt soooo good. To be truthful, I was concerned for Mike’s experience. The power of the ocean has over taken even the best of swimmers and I couldn’t help but think that Mike’s balance would be an issue. He couldn’t wait to get in the ocean and with the temperature of the water, Nate and Bobby were not jumping up to join him. I actually wanted to catch a few rays before getting in but it seemed like they were willing to let him go by himself and I was not. Wait up Mike!
In he went much like he had so many times before. Fearless. Not me. The waves were huge and it was cold on the belly! You know that take your breath kind of cold but as Mike plowed further and deeper into the water I knew I needed to keep going “just in case”. Just in case? What did I think I was going to do? I can swim but compared to Mike and Nate, I look like I’m treading water so if Mike got in trouble did I think my super powers were going to kick in? Yes, indeed. Go through what we’ve been through and you will totally believe that you can tame wild beasts if that’s what it takes.
By now we’re up to waves that are well above 10 feet…without wave 5 ft with wave 10 ft…make sense? We’re both trying our best to ride one in but I am so focused on making sure Mike is still okay that my timing is off. I turn around and two waves back looks like the Tsunami of ’95 and I’m like “Mike! Catch this wave it’s huge!” I watch to make sure he isn’t crushed by it then glance over my shoulder and boom. Down I go with ears, mouth, eyes (seemed like all orifices) open. Not a joy ride. Not the ride that takes you to the shoreline either. This is the ride that feels like the washing machine spin cycle. I finally come up for air and no Mike. No Mike! AGH!!!! I see Nate coming in to the water and then I see Mike’s head. I smile, he smiles, Nate smiles. Mike tells me later that he was thrown to the bottom of the ocean and hit his head right on the top. ”that’s it! Out of the water!” I did say that but I was kidding and then there was another wave and well, you know….so much fun…me, Bobby, Emily, Mike and the KING of the waves Nate - Surf’s up dude!
Everyone but Sylvette enjoyed the salt water play while it lasted. Sylvette was busy getting her burn on…oh, yeah. The burn that lasted the rest of the week…she says she’ll use sunscreen from now on. Really Sylvette? Really?
The next few days would include many more firsts in this journey back to life for Michael. NASCAR till you drop. Who doesn’t love go-carts? Maybe a guy who would have trouble getting in and out of those little cars because of mobility or balance issues but not this guy. First race – ok, I’ll admit I am a little protective but come on. So – first race and I lag behind in my car so I can make sure…yeah, that’s right so I can make sure Mike is ok…get over it! All of us are in our little cars and while we usually take no prisoners, I think this first race we might have driven more cautiously. Well, maybe just Mike and I did. Seeing Mike’s face as we turned for the second lap you could tell he was probably feeling different than he did last time we were together at NASCAR. He didn’t quit, he kept driving and actually drove very well. I pulled in as Mike was attempting to get out of the car and I’m glad Bobby was there to help him get out. Mike was feeling light headed and you could see his heart pounding through his shirt. His face was flushed and he was breathing very rapidly. I could tell he enjoyed the drive but I also knew he wasn’t okay. As everyone started to gather I asked “how did it go, Mike?” he looked at me with eyes swimming and said “good. pretty good I guess, what’s next?” He could barely stand but in the excitement I don’t think anyone else noticed. I said to him quietly “it’s ok if you need to take a break or sit down, everyone will understand” By now, sweat was pouring from his brow and his breathing was still very rapid. He said “maybe I would like to sit down, I feel a little dizzy.” Was it the huge cognitive challenge of rapid fire decision making? Was it motion sickness- round and round and round the track? Was it apprehension? Panic? Who knows, maybe yes to all. Regardless of what happened on the first track, within five minutes Michael got up and this time when he asked “what’s next?”, he meant it.
We road until a storm shut down the park. The last race was the bumper car track and let me tell you, Mike drove full throttle. Nate even backed off – now he says he wanted to drive a little slower for Seebee but I think he was making sure Mike was ok. Mike was fearless and drove like a bat out of Hell. It was a little scary for the rest of us but the addrenelin rush for Mike was well worth our few minutes of torture. The man driving with wild abandon was once an intoxicated driver that lost the life he once knew after a decision to get behind the wheel after drinking. This driver, this man, this child of mine had the choice “to sit it out or dance” and he danced! We had Lee Ann Womak singing in the background kind of “I Hope You Dance” moments (ok, we don’t really listen to country music but the lyrics are awesome).
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. Dance!
Mike will be busier than ever beginning Monday. He was invited to join the first ever Cognitive Rehab Group through Brain Injury Services. We were told that after meeting Michael this January, the director was so impressed by the level of his improvement since Jan. ’08 and the attitude and commitment Michael had toward continued recovery that she went to the board to express the need for additional services. Michael and a few other TBI survivors were the inspiration for the development of this program at BIS. Yeah Michael! Thank you, Lisa.
Mike’s schedule for a few months:
Monday – 10:30 am to 12:00 pm Cognitive Rehabilitation Group sessions at BIS
Tuesday – swimming with Nate
Wednesday – 10:00 am – 12:00 pm Adjustment Group at BIS
Thursday – 11:00 pm – work with Jim at Dito Web
Friday – 10:30 pm – 12:00 pm Cognitive Rehabilitation Individual sessions at BIS
AND…today he became a PAL. Mike has joined a mentoring program through BIS where he will not only receive a PAL, he is also able to pay it forward by being a PAL himself. He met his 19 year old PAL this afternoon and made tenative plans to play a couple rounds of putt-putt in the near future. Mike will meet his PAL June 13th at a PAL sponsored BBQ picnic. A couple times a month, PALS devote an afternoon to help someone else develop social skills and maybe along the way make a new friend. Helping others open doors to hope for a brighter future. Now that’s what I’m talking about! One Love.
I was looking for a notebook this morning and stumbled upon “For One More Day”. Beneath it was the book that replaced the large blue posters that hung in Michael’s room in Fairfax Hospital. Jordan brought in the first of three posters and within days they were full of pictures and well wishes, pleas for recovery, tic marks for how many days Shannon had been able to get away with illegal parking, notes about the good looking nurses and a few “so and so was here” but every one a message of hope that Michael would open his eyes to realize just how much he was loved and needed. (Fast forward – the posters remain in Mike’s room today). My brother Ron and his wife Kirsten replaced the posters with a small notebook when Micahel was moved to Mt. Vernon Rehab and although not quite as noticable as something hanging on the wall, the sentiments were the same. Danny wrote “Mike, I stopped by today with Catherine and Liz. We went to Five Guys and brought you back a burger…” Karl wrote “…I stopped by before going to church and we talked about the Tech game…” In the book Michael reads the log of reminders that he was not alone on this journey; he was loved and needed.
I’ll begin with his schedule. Monday is two hours of Cognitive Rehab through Brain Injury Services in Springfield. I went the first couple of sessions and one day I needed logistical assistance and asked Nate if he could take Mike. Since then, Monday is group for both Mike and Nate. The group not only offers Michael an opportunity to improve cognition but offers a safe environment to share his ideas and circumstances with others who’s lives are so different from their independent lives before brain injury. From my perspective, the window into the world of other TBI survivors has granted Nathan insight to the significance and value of his contribution. Interacting with intention is what we do as parents but it also happens to be what we can and should do to assist after TBI. HERO alert – Nate volunteered to assist with the rehab group program at BIS on his day off. Pay it forward. Brain Injury Services INC Springfield VA – I can’t say enough about them or their services – DONATE please. 
Mike is working on an outline for his future speaking ventures and in those notes is the word “average”. Average = normal. Michael says he is working his way to average. Who would have ever thought Mike Rosner would ever strive to be “average”? Who would have ever thought that night that getting behind the wheel after drinking would eradicate the normalization of independent living, social re-adaptation, family life, and education or vocational endeavors? Mike obviously didn’t think about that did he? Now cognitivly impaired, including frontal executive functions (problem solving, impulse control, self-monitoring) attention, short-term memory and learning, speed of information processing and speech and language functions. One decision changed everything forever. Oh, but that’s just me talking. 
He is amazing and still pushes himself beyond what most with his injuries would or could. Is he like before? No. Is he healed? No. But he is still improving. He mentioned to his doctor the other day that he thought maybe he had plateaued. she basically said “no way”. Nate told me the other day that he was so happy that each week he saw something new and improved. Yesterday morning for the VERY FIRST time, Mike refilled his meds on his own with no prompting, no hints, no ques….there is an alarm set to take meds on his watch at 9AM. The alarm went off, the case for the week was empty and so the “normal” thing to do would be to get the arsenal of medications from the cabinet and refrigerator and refill the meds and vitamins for a seven day period dividing to the appropriate AM or PM per the prescription. He “normally” did what needed to be done. I came in to the room to see Michael making another “first” in initiation and 21 months in to this recovery, it was just like the day I watched him walk up the stairs to get his socks because his feet were cold. I wanted to cry out, to jump up and down with joy because he continues to defy the odds. As much as he fights me, as much as the deficits in motivated behavior from the hippocampus circuitry of reward (oh, yeah I’ve had to learn a lot – it’s the apathy thing) as much as I feel like some days he pushes away every thing I try to accomplish with him… it (the brain injury) is not winning! 
I read this recently and thought it was so relevant to what we (Mike and the rest of us) are experiencing. We are born with the amount of brain cells (neurons) that we will need for a lifetime but the neurons aren’t connected. As we interact with an infant or toddler, connections are formed. Positive interactions with nurturing parents or caregivers – like the attention children receive when they are read to. Even friends make a difference (yes, your circle of friends is a vital part of your working brain) -interaction profoundly stimulates old and young brains. This stimulation causes new connections to form pathways (learning pathways) and strengthens existing ones. As we age we shed the neurons we don’t use so the more stimulation and experiences you have, the more connections your brain will have formed (synapses) and the less it will shed. Connection. Being connected helps our brains stay connected. Pretty cool, huh?
I