Posted by mike on Mar 24, 2009 in
Mike's Posts Val-trout
My grandma Vee (My dads mom) is now further from me than she has been in a long time……..ever,really…..she is closer though to her daughter Dorothy, in Yorktown VA also there is my dad and his wife Mary. For me it’s bitter sweet that at least she will be closer to her children but the distance for me is almost too great it seems like visits will be few and far between. She was at my celebration of life so I think that means the most.
Grandma if you are reading this or it’s being read to you, I miss you already. Hopefully soon we will get to come down there. Also please know that of course, I am wearing my jacket. I do hope your enjoying your new place
Posted by mike on Mar 13, 2009 in
Mike's Posts The best therapist/mother I’ve had, my own mother, has released a new video. If you will direct your attention toward the video section, you may notice the newest addition.Carry on.
Posted by mike on Mar 8, 2009 in
Mike's Posts Now being that this is “Mike Rosner’s blog” I figured this question might be better off asked here
ok………now I have always believed things happen for a reason; my accident included, realistically it was the best thing that has happened…….the coma sucked,the therapy sucked, and now the solitude sucks. I really do believe things happen for a reason (that readon?) Question is what is the reason? what now?
For me I feel like theres a chance to continue building my life…….school. I’m very ambitious and would like to see MY next steps as an opportunity to further my education. I am unsure as to which schools would be appropriate or even if there is much difference in which school to choose. I need to get my bachelors in order to finally go for a phd so thats’s where I start. So Bachelors-any help?
Posted by mike on Feb 7, 2009 in
Mike's Posts I think a round of applause is due to all the people that have been an integral part of my recovery.
Jim McNelis for giving me a place to practice my skills (no, not my ninja skills) my computer skills. We’re going back to Cali one day Jim. Thank you for beleiving that I will continue this on-going process of progress and for your friendship.
My loving brother Nate for being there with me tirelessly all the way even when I don’t want to go forward he keeps me going. I’m not always the easiest person to deal with and for that I cannot apologize enough for but I want to thank you for your love, your support and patient understanding.
Karl, Matt and Danny you guys are the wind behind my sails. I really do appreciate, and appreciate isn’t even a strong enough word but I could not do this without you guys. The support I’ve gotten from each of you has been nothing less than stellar.
Don’t even let me forget about Sylvette. Syl Vette my loving comical hero has been a wonderling in my recovery. Always and forever a true gem.
The love of my life Amanda. My true best friend I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for you. Your humor is unlike any of my other friends. I’m so glad we shared the time we did together, nothing will ever replace it. Your friendship – you are the one person I can talk to about anything and I love that about you. I need that about you.
I read the blog every day and I’m so glad I spent a lifetime forming these relationships because it just so happened that i would need to rely on them. I kind of need them. It’s like a drug addiction, it’s something I need. It’s very easy for me not to want to do anything. I don’t work anywhere and it would be easy for me to be as lazy as I want to be because I have literally spent all of the energy. Your energy, my energy all the energy in the world to get to where I am today. I truly believe I would not be where I am today if not for the relationships I spent my entire life forming in preparation for this monumental battle.
For everyone else that is a part of my life or that keeps up with the blog you are no less important. The on-going support is received with open arms. I love you too and it’s hard to put into words exactly how it makes me feel but as I’ve said before, I do check the blog every day and reading your words I understand that this has effected more than just me. Through this blog I am witness to my own recovery. This battle though is wearing at me. Just putting these thoughts together and writing this has been exhausting. I will need to rest for a couple of hours. I am tired. I am truly exhausted.
People want to know how I’m doing and may look at me and think Mike is really a lazy guy now but I feel like I am the opposite of lazy because even though I might want to lay on the couch, I am always doing something to train my brain like DS or applications on my iPhone or wii games.
A little over a year and here’s where I am today. Here are some of the points I’ve come up with to help you understand. I have goals. It is time to take the next step but I really don’t know where to start. I know it is going to be hard work but I’ve never been intimidated by my short comings. I want to go back to school to continue my education but I have a difficulty with my attention span. Even in normal every day conversation I’m not able to hang on to the conversation, I lose track of what we were even talking about and then I can’t remember. I’m getting used to not remembering. Keeping track and remembering is difficult so trying to remember how I was last year is out of the question. I try to maintain a positive attitude and I think that has helped me get this far.
I know lately I’ve just been checking out because I am tired. I feel like I am forever alone and that nobody really has any idea of what this is like at all. I like down time, I need down time but I get bored. I am lonely and I have needs that are not being met. I feel like if I had a girlfriend it would help fill the emptiness and push me to work harder. I sometimes say things that are not appropriate but I don’t realize it until later so I need someone who will understand and help me with that. I also know that sometimes what I feel, feels exaggerated like when I get frustrated I’m angry frustrated and I don’t know about other feelings, probably the same.
jessie
To say that you have made progress is an understatement. The life in your eyes shines brighter everyday.
This is your diary so that when you read this…you can put together the puzzle. So this is my account of the past two days. On Wednesday…we got to spend the time together that I missed and cherish so much. I asked you how your therapy was going, was it hard? And you told me, “concentration was the hardest part.” That meant to me that you know what type of mentality that you have to have to get through this. Your life lessons have prepared you for this battle. Whether it be athletics, experiences with others, or whatever. The pain, the focus and knowing that this incremental progress your making on a daily basis adds up big time requires constant faith in the end result. That in itself is extremely difficult. When they brought dinner…I wasn’t quite sure if you liked cucumbers so I wasn’t trying to make you eat something you hated. So I said, do you like cucumbers, they make you strong and we laughed. Then you said, “that’s what I need.”. It was great. I asked you if you remembered what happened or if you just knew what everyone told you, and you told me “I pretty much remember everything.” Amazing…..
We also spoke about the white light and I will be sure to remind you of that conversation later.
Everything flowed as if we were just chillin, talking about life as if for those moments everything was ok. I got to be with Mike. The Mike.
I’m so proud of you. Proud to know you as person, proud to watch this unbelievable progress your making in the rebuilding of your life.
Yesterday…I guess the protect the innocent part of my personality started to come out. It became very clear to me that you don’t always know that you’re ok. Sometimes you need to hear it from someone you know has your best interests at heart, or to be able to see a familiar face or a touch just letting you know everything’s gonna be ok.
So I saw it and I looked at you and said, “Mike, everything’s ok.” And you looked at me and said, “everything’s ok?” And I said “yes.”
Just like all those who love you, I just want to make sure you are ok. That you know we are here and we are in this fight with you no matter what. You are not alone. It’s always hard to leave. Just so you know…
You make me smile everytime I think about you. You’re winning Mike! I’m by your side. We can do it together. Love conquers all my friend!
___________________________________
Jessica Seeber, you were right when you said that the experiences in my life helped me prepare for the most important battle of my life. Truer words were yet to be spoken. What you said then is still true today. And p.s. Jessie, to be honest my mind is a blank about the accident, sorry.
So being that year one is in the books – here’s a toast to the future. Still strong like bull 2009.
*edit
(forgot to thank the General -mom you are literally THE best)
Thank You!!!!
Posted by mike on Oct 19, 2008 in
Mike's Posts Thanks to everyone for coming out on a cold October day, especially Thomas coming out on laundry day in just his white short sleeve t-shirt. It’s been a great year. Looking forward to the next year coming up. It feels great to be around every one. I really do feel the support from everybody. Thank you. It was really really really good to see everybody. Whether im with one of you or all of you it helps me feel that maybe everything isn’t different. The hardest part of this whole thing for me is the isolation and loneliness I feel. I am confident and have no doubt that relearning everything will come in time hopefully. I know for recovery I need resources around me and all the friends I have I need and use for support. Yesterday, you guys helped me remember why I’m doing this.
Mike
Posted by mike on Aug 1, 2008 in
Mike's Posts I feel that things do happen for a reason. Although I thought I was, I was not living the best of life prior to the accident. Since the accident I have had no desire to smoke or drink or anything else. I still do get very lonely and that’s most of the time but I can’t thank my friends enough for their attempts to keep me involved. The brain injury has turned my life around. I had wanted to stop drinking anyway but was never successful. The accident turned my life around from where it WAS going to where it IS going. I like to think the brain injury hasn’t affected me at all but I guess it has. I had a neuro psych test recently where I learned, surprise surprise that I still have above average intelligence but that my math skills are now those of a seventh grader. My strength before was in math and sciences which was the reason I wanted to get my PHD. To hear that news was humbling to say the least but it will not change my attitude or my drive because I have always been and will always be a hard worker. Sometimes I lose track of what I’m talking about so it definitely affected my ability with conversation. I get confused. I’ve always known I had awesome friends but to this day they continue to prove me right. They are patient and accepting. I am not the same person I was before. But this being said I still think that giving up is not an option and I am still “strong like bull”. I think I’m doing well emotionally. Since my accident I ‘ve had to learn patience which was not a strong suit of mine but it has had to become a stronger aspect of my personality. I’ve come to realize how precious life is and how fragile it is.Going to church gives me a sense of gratitude for my life and being able to walk in and just be there. My back hurts while I’m sitting there but that pain is only temporary. It’s pretty simple, being in church helps me remember that I am blessed to be alive. When I went to see Dr. Hebda I learned that my brain is uneven. That the left side is alot stronger and not as damaged as the right. I’ve always been very analytical and always thought that the right side of my brain was the creative side. As it turns out the right side helps with being analytical. This is what I think. The left side is like the bank. The right side is the atm card and my atm card is damaged. I have alot of money in the bank but I have a hard time getting it out because of the damage.
Obviously the lesson to be gained in this story is “don’t drink and drive” or you are screwed. Maybe not screwed but you will have alot of hard work ahead of you. My story may not change the way you think. I don’t expect to change the lives of anyone but i at least hope that it does. Things happen to people. They happen and they are out of our control. Unstoppable. to be honest, I don’t think anyone else’s experience would have changed my very destructive life before. I’m not here to make a point but just to share my experience to whoever is listening but if it does change a life then this DID happen for a reason.
Special shout outs to the Mc’s – I love you guys. Stay up.
Posted by mike on Jul 6, 2008 in
Mike's Posts I wanted to let my pastor know how God has worked in my life so I wrote this today after church and I thought maybe it would let you guys know how I’m feeling.
Pastor Scott,
We are not members of the church but my family and I have been attending MAG since just after Easter. I wanted to give you my testimony of how God has worked in my life.
I was never a real stand out Christian and actually quite the opposite. I was a very social 25 year old, hanging out with my friends, going to bars, chasing women, drinking heavily and living a pretty reckless life. In late October last year my life took a drastic turn.
After partying with friends, I tried to drive home from Manassas to Arlington under the influence of alcohol. I have no memory of the accident but I’ve been told that me and my soft top Jeep left the road on I66 at Exit 66. It was a single car accident in the early hours of the morning when there weren’t many people on the road. If not for the cab driver that God placed behind me, that called at the onset of the accident, that was responsible for the quick response from the police, I would not be here today. I was non-responsive at the scene and Code Blue when I arrived at Fairfax Hospital. I had to be revived and was not expected to live much less walk and talk. I was in a coma for almost 30 days and hospitalized for 3 months. After being released from the hospital I went back and forth to a rehabilitaion center until the end of May. Even my doctors say that my recovery so far has been nothing short of a miracle. Every day I feel blessed to be alive. God saved my life. I know that for sure.
I feel very blessed to be alive now because if there was anybody worth saving it was not me. If there was a bad way to live, I was living it. I don’t know why God saved me but he did. I have a new found appreciation for life itself. I no longer destroy my body with drugs and drinking and just being able to walk into church makes me wonder “why me?” sometimes.
Maybe as a reminder, I didn’t walk away unscathed. I had compression fractures to my back, a minor injury to my right knee and right shoulder but my head injury was the worst. If there was a part of my brain that could be injured, it was. I had a severe traumatic brain injury and as a result have had to work toward relearning everything. I can now walk without assistance. I can talk clearly. I can hear perfectly. Physically I can do all the things a person my age should be able to do, just working on speed and agility. I am even working with a friend of mine one day a week and still have very big aspirations for my future. I still have memory issues but I work hard every day to overcome them. I believe in time, it will come. I have hopes for a full recovery and more if that is God’s plan.
My family and friends set up a website to communicate my progress but now it is a way for me to read and to understand what I went through. It has also been a way for me to see how many people were praying for me to survive the accident. The website is still up – it is www.weluvmike.com and though I don’t even know some of the visitors that keep up with my progress, they still pray for me and my recovery. My mom did a video and someone said to me how could anyone watching the video or following my progress ever question that there is a God. I feel that I am truly a testament to the power of prayer and God’s work even for the unworthy.
Respectfully,
Mike Rosner
Some family friends of ours i.e., the court of despair, are experiencing troubled times. It is now our turn to be there for them. Miracles do happen and the power of prayer works. Keep hope alive.
Posted by mike on May 30, 2008 in
Mike's Posts People ask how I’m feeling and most of the time I have a hard time coming up with thoughts to explain it. Sometimes i think I don’t have thoughts at all but i guess I do. I think about a lot of things actually but I don’t think about them long. Coming back from the dead is a process they say. I’m working on regaining my memory and getting used to my new schedule. It’s all in a days work. The most frustrating thing is the short term memory loss. It seems that things that keep my attention I am able to remember a little better. But if I am distracted with things around me or just noise in general I can’t remember it even if it just happened. I think alot about taking classes online but I know the memory thing is going to get in my way. I’m still going to do it though. I feel frustrated almost all the time. I wish I was healed already but I know it’s a process and I have to be patient. But I’m not a very patient person. I get bored sometimes but I enjoy the rest. It’s an internal struggle. I am recovering I never feel like giving up. I’ve never been one to take the easy route in life so the struggle makes me feel like i’m accomplishing something. There are aspects of my recovery that I’m not happy with but other areas that I’m very proud. I get lonely for companionship and I miss hanging out with my friends but I keep in touch with email and the telephone. Having the best friends ever in the world doesn’t hurt either. I keep my journal with me all the time and that helps me remember if I remember to write things down. I was looking in my journal at next month and on my birthday there is a quote from Henry David Thoreau. It says “it is not enough to be busy…so are the ants. The question is “what are we busy about?”
So the question is: what am I busy about? I’m busy about getting better as fast as humanly possible. One day at a time. What are you busy about?
Posted by mike on Apr 6, 2008 in
Mike's Posts i watched the video again because one of the side effects of a brain injury is having a bad memory and i couldn’t remember what i saw the first time and I was reminded again of everything ive been through. i appreciate all of you so much and i want to thank you for being there for me. ive come a long way.
thanks to karl, matt, jimmy, herzig, mike v, chrissi, danny, thomas and austin, rastad, shannon, kristen hicks, amanda elbisi, bobby and brian hannifin, lyndsay, rachelle, becca, amanda kibben, and jessie seeber for sending love my way this week. i think I have the best friends ever. you keep me motivated and you give me strength.
and as usual i cant thank you enough nate and sylvette for just being there. i couldnt do this without you.
i know that i have a long road ahead of me. i feel accomplished but i know it’s not over yet. its an uphill battle that starts at the bottom and by the looks of my jeep that’s where i was. i know i need your support to get there, but im going to make it to the finish line.
Posted by mike on Mar 7, 2008 in
Mike's Posts This week has been pretty good. I started the bridge program and met all my new counselors, its going pretty good so far. Excited to get back into things. Getting back in the water has been great. Thanks to Nate, Dan and Dad for helping me try to stay healthy and to everybody that’s been coming over to keep me company. I appreciate all the love I’ve been getting it really helps keep my spirits up. My days are tiring but I can stay motivated because I can see where it’s taking me. Who knows how it’s going to end.