family matters

Family matters. I don’t get much time to write much these days but writing is always on my mind. I write when I can not speak. I write when I have things to share. I write to help you understand. We’re grownups. Life is hard. Yes, our lives changed but we have each other. Family matters.

It could have been worse, we could be dealing with the senseless death of our son in his prime. We could be dealing with the death or maiming of an innocent victim.  We are blessed that Michael’s accident was a single car accident.  We are blessed that he walks, talks, sees, hears, laughs, thinks, plans and remembers. Is he different? Yes. He’ll ask things over and over or tell you the same thing again and again. “the Blackberry Bold comes out in June”… “there’s a full moon on my birthday” “Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh drive GMC Tahoe hybrids” … His thoughts and feelings become larger than life.  The thought grows and grows until the molehill has become a mountain…he perseverates. It could drive you crazy if you let it but how could you?  How could you lose patience when each day is a blessing?

I don’t care how often I hear that The Happening comes out on Friday the 13th.  It’s ok that there’s still a need to guide his decision making and set boundaries for the number of phone calls made to a girl in a day.  He’s not a stalker – he perseverates (thank you Erin Hughes). He repeats and repeats the feeling until… he meets you today, tomorrow he loves you and by next week wants to marry you.  It’s ok…it’s all ok.  Because not too long ago my fear was that I would never hear his voice again. That replaced with a fear that he would not have the brain power to manage self care…initiation, memory, independent living. Every now and then it’s good to look back – it helps keep expectations in check.  This too shall pass.

At least once a week, Mike and I watch the video before checking for new comments on the blog.  It is a great way to begin or end the day…a visual measure of the power of love. A reminder of the strength that lies within us all.  A testimony to friendship.  Friends like no other – brothers from different mothers refusing to let him go.  Their life force that continues to will Michael’s heart and soul back to life.  An inspirational journey that has brought God to the forefront of our lives. A journey that is teaching patience as we learn to understand that healing happens on God’s time. 

Our days are full from early morn till around 10pm.  Mike begins the day early and over the last two weeks has been waking and beginning the day on his own.  Talk about initiation!  No calling for me anymore…he wakes, gets his journal, gets a bowl of cereal and turns on the TV to watch the news. By the time I realize he’s up, he’s already checked and sent emails, made notes in his journal and on occasion made a few phone calls.  (to those early morning recipients before 6AM- he now knows, no calls before 8AM) I’m an early morning person myself but usually not before 7AM. Initiation – remember how exciting it was (or I was) when on his own he got socks for his cold feet? Mike is raising the bar once again!

I want what every parent wants. For him to be independent, to drive again, to find real love, get married and have children. Do you get frustrated? YES. Do you cry? YES!  But do you also feel joy and love? YES. You let yourself feel all that you’re supposed to be feeling. And you try to do it with dignity and grace. There will be no limits set on what Michael can accomplish. You focus day-to-day and before you know it, he’s living a full life.

It’s not a bad life. It’s just a different life. Who knew? Our Michael is singing God’s praises in church… you just change what’s important.  I thank God for all life’s blessings.

xxoo

LIVESTRONG