A Place for Family and Friends
We are Day 4 of reading from the Intellectual Devotional. He reads and takes relevant notes ..he remembers the subject matter each day and throughout the day. Michael is able to retreive and is retaining the information learned from Day 1, Day 2 and Day 3. There is new hope every day.
xxoo
If you ask Mike what his plans are, he’ll tell you that he’s decided to be an astrophysicist. He’ll tell you that you need a PHD to be the type of astrophysicist that gets to do research in space. The motivation…the possibility of a future flight in space. If you know Mike, you are probably not surprised because Mike has always had big dreams, huge aspirations. The accident may have battered his brain but it didn’t squash the dreamer in him. It began as a conversation about what he should do when he is ready or able to return to work. A return to IT? A return to recruiting? I suggested that maybe he leave the door open to other possibilities…offering that the new brain may be better suited for a different line of work. There were many career paths that crossed my mind, none of which included becoming an astrophysicist. Mike did a little research on his own one day, found the educational requirements to make it happen and then re-opened the search for universities on-line. An afternoon on the Internet and he now has three colleges selected with print outs that include the requirements for students with disabilities. He is facing that too.
Gray matter represents information processing centers in the brain. Gray is my new favorite color. I try to live my life without the stark contrast of black and white, it seems to be too bipolar. Too rigid. Too far left, too far right. I try to live the truth, in the light but it usually falls somewhere in between. That place between black and white is gray. There is a gray area between faith and reality. Between encouragement to believe that all things are possible and the harsh reality of what we believe is the truth.
How do we get from where we are today to a flight in space? One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. I gave Michael a book yesterday with a goal oriented task attached. “If you plan to attend college again you must show that you can learn and retain new information”. Our first attempt with this exercise began last week with a book from Nate, Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time – read 5 pages a day, take notes and then try to remember that information after reading the next 5 pages the following day…tooooo much! Whoa!
The most significant hurdle to learning after brain injury is memory loss and impairment. Michael’s capacity to receive, store and retrieve information has been effected. Short-term memory, recalling what happened yesterday is still tough but getting better. He may remember and retain old skills, but how will he be at learning new ones? I believe with repeated instructions and practice he can do anything.
The new book is The Intellectual Devotional. Each day of the week devoted to a different field of knowledge. Monday – History, Tuesday – Literature, Wednesday – Visual Arts, Thursday -Science, Friday – Music, Saturday – Philosophy and Sunday – Religion. The book begins on a Monday but we cheated and read Monday’s last night. He read it, closed the book and then summarized it for me. This morning before he saw the book, I asked him if he remembered what he read last night. Without hesitation he said ” I read in the daily devotional about the alphabet. About how the Egyptians created the alphabet because their prisoner slaves couldn’t read hieroglyphics…and something about Rosetta Stone in 1799. I don’t remember what that was about though. That the letter b is the word for house”. I stood in awe but questioned the letter “b” recall, I read the page last night also and I didn’t remember anything about the letter b. He responded “it was at the bottom of the page in italics”. I looked, yes it was. I didn’t read that part.
One page at a time, one foot in front of the other…he can do this. Mike says “I got nothing but time.”
xxoo
Happy Birthday Grandma Vee – Happy Birthday Parker!
It has been an interesting week. A birthday, well maybe two. Mike’s on Wednesday – Bobby’s birthday was Friday. Mike remembered it was his birthday when he woke up and although I tried to keep him busy, he couldn’t stay away from the life-link. Facebook, My Space and Gmail took him where he needed to be; to and with his friends. We met Nate for lunch, then walked to the bookstore to look for Tim Russert’s book Big Russ and Me that Mike wanted to give Bobby for his birthday. He was antsy and unsettled. A phone call from Matt while we were at Barnes and Noble to tell Mike what was in the works was exactly what he needed.
Mike was swooped up late afternoon to celebrate his birthday the only way he knew how…with the band of brothers (Sylvette and Chrissy too). The guys he has celebrated almost every birthday for over ten years (with Shannon almost twenty). He loves these guys so much. Karl, Matt, Shannon, Justin, Danny and Nate (the biological) would lift his spirits and make him feel whole again like no one else can. Put-Put golf, a Red Robin dinner and an autographed, numbered photo of Santana Moss paying homage to Sean Taylor. Michael received two gifts that night; one that he sat proudly on his dresser where he lays his glasses. The other, the gift that keeps on giving. The most valuable gift of all -their loyalty and friendship. It is the bond that gives him strength, the bond that gives him hope, the bond that survived the brain injury. TBI is a lonely place.
We walk a positive, quiet path with this brain injury most days but this week has been a little darker than most. Perseverating, obsessing, rigid thinking lead to or contributed to a broken heart, a shaken ego, and lessons learned. The girl – you know the story…moving too fast, can’t think of anything else (obsessing) and after a couple of weeks “mom, I think I want to tell her I love her”. “you barely know her Michael, do you think you know her well enough to love her?” He replied “I want to love someone. I want someone in my life”. One thing lead to another, he told her the love thing, her phone calls to him slowed down, excuse after excuse and then “mom, she broke up with me over the phone”. Heartache is never easy but time heals, it passes…this too shall pass. Obsessing – lesson learned.
Mike has been working one day a week with a friend. A friend that believes in Michael’s ability to find what is buried beneath the brain injury. A mind that stores more knowledge than I could ever hope to acquire struggles sometimes to find it’s way. Jim McNelis I cannot thank you enough for pushing Michael as hard as he pushes himself. Although Mike was not successful in your challenge or his own challenge this week, you were able to tell him the truth without hurting him. He responded humbly to your constructive explanation of why he may not have been able to complete the job. He was able to respond with dignity intact. He is looking forward to the next challenge and loves and respects you even more. He knows you will speak the truth no matter what the truth is. You believe in him just as he MUST believe in himself. Rigid thinking – another lesson learned. I thank you for that.
A life changed – traumatic brain injury hurts. We hear it, you hear it, HE hears it – there is a long road of healing ahead. It is never easy for him or us but it is never too much. We are blessed. We have Michael with us and we just celebrated his 26th birthday. We went to one of his favorite restaurants on Friday – Arties in Fairfax. He had the pork tenderloin with berry shortcake for dessert.
During a conversation this morning as we were getting ready for church, now the king of quotes and corny sayings (Michael ) told me “if you believe you will recieve”. I can tell you after this week of celebrating birthdays, of heartache and defeat – Michael’s attitude toward his recovery is still without question “I feel like a bull” . Keep Hope Alive – remember? it is his slogan. 
This blog is to document Michael’s progress and recovery. We all love an inspirational story but there are times when the truth hurts – sometimes it isn’t pretty…no fairy tale here. It is his life.
LIVESTRONG Michael.
xxoo
I went into labor with Michael in the wee hours of the morning of what was scheduled to be my last day at work. Although, I was a great Lamaze student it was my first child so when my water broke about 5AM, I thought the baby was pressing on my bladder and for the first time in my life, I had peed myself. It only took the next few minutes for laboring contractions to begin…there was no mistaking that this child was ready to begin the life he was destined to lead. I gave birth to Jennings Michael David Rosner around 9pm on June 18, 1982.
Mike was named after David’s (Mike’s father) best friends. Jennings - Jennings Bryant Doles lived with David and I for a couple of years in Monterey, California. Michael - Michael Lormand the most beautiful spirited, dear, dear friend we’ve known from well before children (BC), David – obvious right? wrong. David - David Andrea was David’s best friend before and after I met him in high school. We married, moved to the west coast, then to Europe for a couple of years, then back to the states. Eventually as life requires, we grew up. David and his wife had a daughter, we had a son. Eight pounds 15 1/2 ounces 21 inches long. Eighteen hours of labor, two hours of pushing – no medication thank you very much! A child of the earth, a product of the hippie generation, it was natural child birth for me. Did you expect anything different?
Michael’s life began the Friday before Father’s Day. A beautiful baby boy with a full head of hair, two arms, two legs, ten fingers and ten toes. The first born would have the perfect brother sixteen months later and within six years, a petite little sister who would complete the circle of child bearing for me. I love and am proud to be Michael’s, Nathan’s and Emily’s mother together and separately. There are many roles I play and fill but there is no role I fit better, there is nothing more rewarding.
On October 21, 2007 our hearts were ripped from our chests when we received the call every parent fears “there’s been an accident…”. I remember how difficult it was to try to find some sense of normalcy to celebrate Nathan’s birthday only four days later but somehow we did. I remember writing on the blog ”we did what we do…we celebrated Nathan’s birth and celebrated that the brother he loves so much was still with us…” And then Emily’s prom, Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, then bringing in the New Year and four days in to the new year; bringing Michael home. It has been a journey…
In April Amanda E posted on the blog: “The Lord has been with you Mike, and will be with you every step of the way! He gives you the strength and you have given him the glory!!” I say, Amen.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Jennings Michael David Rosner born late evening in Manassas VA on June 18 1982. I thank God that the journey continues…you are the wind beneath my wings.
xxoo
LIVESTRONG
p.s. “there’s a full moon on my birthday”
I’ve spoken of Donna Martin before as one of the VERY important angels in uniform that kept us going, and gave us hope and strength during Michael’s stay at Fairfax Hospital. I am sorry to say that Donna was in an automobile accident early Wednesday morning on her way to work. Mary Whiting (Mike’s step sister, also a nurse at INOVA) works with Donna and sent us an update this morning…below is an excerpt from her email.
Hey everyone,
Donna Martin, my PCD (Patient Care Director, aka my boss), had a terrible car accident on the interstate on the way into work this past Wednesday morning around 6:30am. She was awake at the scene and was flown into the TICU (where Mike first was) and is pretty unstable. She has numerous injuries including multiple pelvic fractures, tib/fib fracture, lung contusions, and so forth. With these past few weeks, it’s been really hard on her and her family already with the DUI incident with Aaron. I just know how much she took care of me and our family during Mike’s hard times and I’m just asking everyone to keep her in your thoughts and prayers and hope that she pulls through this.
Please keep Donna and her family in your thoughts and prayers.
One of our favorites – NBC News Washington Bureau Chief Tim Russert – RIP
You will be missed… especially during this historic presidential election!
Family matters. I don’t get much time to write much these days but writing is always on my mind. I write when I can not speak. I write when I have things to share. I write to help you understand. We’re grownups. Life is hard. Yes, our lives changed but we have each other. Family matters.
It could have been worse, we could be dealing with the senseless death of our son in his prime. We could be dealing with the death or maiming of an innocent victim. We are blessed that Michael’s accident was a single car accident. We are blessed that he walks, talks, sees, hears, laughs, thinks, plans and remembers. Is he different? Yes. He’ll ask things over and over or tell you the same thing again and again. “the Blackberry Bold comes out in June”… “there’s a full moon on my birthday” “Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh drive GMC Tahoe hybrids” … His thoughts and feelings become larger than life. The thought grows and grows until the molehill has become a mountain…he perseverates. It could drive you crazy if you let it but how could you? How could you lose patience when each day is a blessing?
I don’t care how often I hear that The Happening comes out on Friday the 13th. It’s ok that there’s still a need to guide his decision making and set boundaries for the number of phone calls made to a girl in a day. He’s not a stalker – he perseverates (thank you Erin Hughes). He repeats and repeats the feeling until… he meets you today, tomorrow he loves you and by next week wants to marry you. It’s ok…it’s all ok. Because not too long ago my fear was that I would never hear his voice again. That replaced with a fear that he would not have the brain power to manage self care…initiation, memory, independent living. Every now and then it’s good to look back – it helps keep expectations in check. This too shall pass.
At least once a week, Mike and I watch the video before checking for new comments on the blog. It is a great way to begin or end the day…a visual measure of the power of love. A reminder of the strength that lies within us all. A testimony to friendship. Friends like no other – brothers from different mothers refusing to let him go. Their life force that continues to will Michael’s heart and soul back to life. An inspirational journey that has brought God to the forefront of our lives. A journey that is teaching patience as we learn to understand that healing happens on God’s time.
Our days are full from early morn till around 10pm. Mike begins the day early and over the last two weeks has been waking and beginning the day on his own. Talk about initiation! No calling for me anymore…he wakes, gets his journal, gets a bowl of cereal and turns on the TV to watch the news. By the time I realize he’s up, he’s already checked and sent emails, made notes in his journal and on occasion made a few phone calls. (to those early morning recipients before 6AM- he now knows, no calls before 8AM) I’m an early morning person myself but usually not before 7AM. Initiation – remember how exciting it was (or I was) when on his own he got socks for his cold feet? Mike is raising the bar once again!
I want what every parent wants. For him to be independent, to drive again, to find real love, get married and have children. Do you get frustrated? YES. Do you cry? YES! But do you also feel joy and love? YES. You let yourself feel all that you’re supposed to be feeling. And you try to do it with dignity and grace. There will be no limits set on what Michael can accomplish. You focus day-to-day and before you know it, he’s living a full life.
It’s not a bad life. It’s just a different life. Who knew? Our Michael is singing God’s praises in church… you just change what’s important. I thank God for all life’s blessings.
xxoo
LIVESTRONG
Osbourn High School
Class of 2000 – J. Michael David Rosner
Class of 2002 – Nathan D. Rosner
Class of 2008 – Emily Elizabeth Rosner
Monday June 9, 2008 7:30PM – Nissan Pavillion
Congratulations Emily! We are so very proud of you!!
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