week 10 at home
I miss having the time to write on the blog. I think about it every day and journal my thoughts when I get a chance but my time is no longer my own these days.
On March 3rd I wrote while at the Chinn Center:
Watching as the boys swim today brings back so many proud memories of cheering them on at swim meets. I miss those days… I remember complaining about the daily drive to the Chinn Aquatic Center at 5:30 AM for swim practice through the week and then up early again on Saturday for the meets… I guess it took this to bring clarity. I would drive to the ends of the earth now, you won’t hear me complain.
It is the discipline learned and required for their sport that molded them into the strong men they are today. Michael and Nathan are only sixteen months apart swam in the same age group but usually not in the same heat or stroke. Nathan was a record setting athlete in his own right, but probably like many younger brothers may have felt in the shadow of his older brother at times. Those days are gone, the roles have changed and Nathan no longer stands in the shadow. He is loving, grounded, patient, understanding and believes in the strong spirit of the soul. He is standing tall and guiding Michael back to lead the way again.
There was quite a bit of Michael left on the road October 21, 2007. Not skin and bones but pieces of what make him whole. So much he can’t remember, so much he can’t express knowing and feeling the loss of what cannot easily be repaired. But in the water, Mike is able to find so much more than himself, he is able to find healing. At home and strong in the water, he finds an anti-gravity sense of confidence that he does not feel when he walks. If you ask ”if you could change anything today, what would you change?” He will still respond “I want to walk normal and I don’t want to have a patch”. He can see, feel and understand the changes and weakness in his body as day after day he pushes himself to exhaustion to get it back.
When he pushes himself in the water though, he can feel the strength and confidence return as he pushes himself to swim past Nate. Mike’s hips are stiff, his knee still a problem so I suggest that they try the kickboard for awhile to concentrate on lower body strengthening. Mike struggles with the kickboard-his bottom is as heavy as a lead balloon. I can’t help but smile as he tries to find the rhythm and power behind his kick to keep up with Nate. His feet barely afloat he digs in challenging his abs, his hips and his legs to find “it”. By now this has nothing to do with the kickboard, this is survival. The survival of “it”. The”it” that set him apart. The “it” that made him feel like a champion. He digs for the drive, the determination the “it” that he knows is in there…he is not a quitter.
March 16 – Since that day, Mike enjoyed some Tuesday pool time wih Justin and Nate and has been going every Saturday with his Dad and Taylor. Nathan is off on Mondays and Tuesdays so we usually try to hit the pool one time with him during the week. If you have a chance to join us, Mike and Nate would love the company.
Nate and Sylvette took Mike to one of his favorite places to eat – Sweetwater Tavern in Centreville last weekend and Mike got a chance to see Becca and Scott. Thanks for dessert Becca! Anytime Mike goes out to eat, I always think of that first outing with his OT at Mt. Vernon when he was so over stimulated that he grabbed her by the neck and put her in a headlock.
On Monday the 10th, Karl called to see if Mike would like to go out to Tony’s with him, Adam, Shannon and Nate. I think that has probably been the day of all the days since coming home that he felt the comfort of knowing he was still in the circle…and it felt good. There are many things he can’t remember…he remembers that night though. I can’t thank you guys enough…Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Molly, Shannon, Karl, Adam, Danny, Matt, Amanda, Justin, Becca, Stu and Patt – thank you for everything – the phone calls, the visits, the donations, the banana bread and most importantly, the love.
Therapy at Mt. Vernon is going well. The days are jammed packed and Michael is whipped at the end of the day but he never complains. He wakes up energized by the next day and greets the new day determined to give it his all again. The hour trips to and from are always filled with anxious anticipation of the motion sickness Mike is now plagued with, so we travel prepared for the worst and hope for the best. Hope? We’re keeping it alive.
xxoo